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7 Reasons Why The Sweet 16 March Madness Is Exactly Like Your Super Sweet 16

"Life is one big party," said everyone not on prescription pills. This statement would also be true for basketball, in particular. Let us explain...

The second round of March Madness is one big blowout Super Sweet 16 that is just as ballin’ and bouncin’ as the glorious teenage celebrations of yesteryear.

There’s always a player on the rebound and you know that someone is guaranteed to wear breakaway pants (which we’re not unhappy about, honestly).

It’s time to get inappropriately drunk all over again and sweat it out until the lights come on. Stay with us on this one. Here’s how the NCAA Sweet 16 Men’s Tournament is exactly like your Super Sweet 16:

1. People are there for the wrong reasons

Namely: your ex-best friend turned-sworn-enemy-but-your-moms-are-still-friends, the aggressively horny guy who’s there to smash your girlfriend and, of course, posers.

2. You can expect plenty of party fouls

That pair of outcast girls who clearly weren’t invited but show up anyway really put a damper on your flow. All the good songs have the words bleeped, which is totally lame. And there’s always the token person making a really bad judgment call.

3. The guys and girls aren’t on the same page

Girls are there to flirt with the guys, while most of the boys just want to watch on the sidelines. The hottest girls are gonna hold court on one side, filling out their phony bra(cket)s.

One of those cock-blocking dudes will cause a major interference during another’s layup. Everyone, however, will be upset when someone blows a whistle for too much touching.

4. You wish it was on MTV

March Madness has all the makings to be an MTV special. For one, a team member is bound to get waxed on camera. For another, thousands of people are celebratory dancing while the night’s all-star performs a flawless layup.

The event might be restricted to politically correct channels, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to play by the rules.

5. Parents will be disappointed

Except for the one old guy who will enjoy it just a tad too much, one group’s parents aren’t going to be happy. They don’t want to see underage kids getting sauced.

They don’t want to watch all the balls dropping. But there’s at least one thing you and your parents will be able to agree on: No one wants to see anything to do with a rim.

6. Everyone finds out what happened even if they weren’t there

Sorry, not sorry, but you have to be the coolest to get inside. If there’s an epic slam dunk, someone’s gonna spread it.

If someone dares to cry in the bathroom later, the hundreds of people who you don’t know but are nonetheless there will be sure to share it. The name of the game is to get it in your basket, but not let the others know what you are doing.

7. You’re hoping there will be celebrity guest appearances

You went out and bought a special outfit for this and so you’re praying the person you’ve got your eye on rolls up in his new car. You’ve envisioned posting up with him while the event plays out. And if all goes right, maybe you’ll even get paid. Er…

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