55 Things You Really Mean When You Pretend You're 5 Minutes Away

by Ashley Fern

"I'll be there in five minutes" is probably the oldest excuse in the book, but, for some reason, it doesn't prevent us from using it or believing it.

Whenever people tell you they're five minutes away, hours pass before they actually show up.

"I said I'd be there in 5 minutes." A photo posted by Elite Daily (@elitedaily) on Mar 13, 2015 at 6:20pm PDT

There should be a rule that whenever anyone utters this phrase, you multiply it by five and that will be their real ETA.

Remember the scene in "American Pie" when they try and figure out people's real sex numbers? Well, the same practice can be applied to this situation.

Everyone has that one chronically-late friend, but this excuse has been used by everyone under the sun.

Sure, life happens and some specific circumstances may derail your schedule, but, in most cases, you have the power to actually be on time. Choosing to use that power clearly is a whole different story.

So what do we really mean when we say we're just a mere five minutes away?

1. I'm still running on the treadmill and have five minutes left before I even think about getting off.

2. My episode of "Gilmore Girls" is halfway over.

3. I just turned the shower on and am standing there contemplating if it's worth it at all.

4. I'm at 50 percent battery and I'm not leaving until I hit 90 percent.

5. I'm still deciding if I'm going out.

6. The waiter just put down our entree.

7. I just put your address in my GPS.

8. I can't find my other shoe and refuse to get out of bed to look for it.

9. I'm still picking out my outfit.

10. I'm picking up our other friend on the way then I'll be there.

11. I'm actually just pregaming alone in my kitchen.

12. I haven't accepted that I'm really just not going.

13. My grandma just called, I'm clearly not going anywhere, any time soon.

14. My Seamless delivery should be here in 15 minutes.

15. I'm hoping if I'm late enough, you'll cancel first.

16. I should take a cab, but have no intention of paying for it...

17. I'm walking, and my phone says it'll take an hour and five minutes.

18. I just finished painting my nails.

19. I'm still at work.

20. My roommates are still talking to me.

21.  I'm still waiting on better plans.

22. I haven't shaved my legs yet and haven't decided if I ever will.

23. I just finished season three of "House of Cards" and I'm still processing the ending.

24. I've been sitting in my towel for a solid 30 minutes with no plan of moving any time soon.

25. I'm figuring out how to body-tape my shirt to myself.

26. I literally have not even left my office yet.

27. I just hit the bowl four times, uh oh.

28. I just hit it another five, he he.

29. I'm still trying to figure out if my ex will be there or not.

30. I can't find an outfit I haven't taken a picture in yet.

31. I'm still trying to fight off this current hangover before I even think about going out.

32. I'm waiting on a text back from my booty call to determine my course of action.

33. I'm literally sitting with a list of excuses to choose from right now.

34. I'm currently eating my third dinner.

35. Peer pressure is the last thing that's going to make me move any faster.

36. I'm trying to figure out if there's a way we can bring this party to my apartment so I don't have to leave.

37. I'm standing at the ATM, realizing I have negative funds.

38. I don't even have underwear on yet.

39. I'm curling my eyelashes and haven't even gotten to my hair yet.

40. I can't even find the dry shampoo; f*ck, now I need two more hours.

41. I've just opened this pint of ice cream, so it's going to be a while.

42. I have to finish this white wine I opened or it's going to "expire."

43. If I keep saying five more minutes, maybe I'll even convince myself I'll be ready by then.

44. I'm trying to get a consensus of who will be attending this shindig.

45. I'm actually just staring out the window, waiting for it to stop raining.

46. I'm praying your destination for the evening changes while I continuously blow off your text messages.

47. I've been Facebook stalking for an hour.

48. As well as Tinder swiping for two hours.

49. Full Disclosure: I have not swiped right once.

50. I'm actually cyber stalking myself for a #latergram that I can pretend is from this weekend.

51. I've tried on nine different outfits and have thrown them all on my floor; yes, I am currently lying in the fetal position alongside them.

52. I'm on WebMD trying to figure out what would be the most valid, near-deadly excuse.

53. I just woke up from a nap that I set an alarm for about an hour ago.

54. I'm racking my brain for an excuse I haven't used before and failing miserably.

55. I'm face deep in a large Domino's Pizza right now.