21 Things Every Woman Needs To Stop Overanalyzing Before They Ruin Her Life

by Lauren Martin

Women, it’s no secret that we’re our own worst enemy. There’s no denying that the thoughts that plague our minds are of our own creation. There’s no one to blame for our misery and disillusionment but ourselves.

Because that exhausting, all-consuming, life-destroying overanalyzing that’s slowly killing us, that’s all on us.

We look at things from every angle, side and possibility except for the one staring us right in face. We turn over, examine and deduce every possible line of reasoning rather than just taking things for what they are. We find meaning in every situation, even if it’s something as meaningless as a passing glance.

We are master deducers, grand debaters and queens of the second meaning. Yet, at the end of it all, we just end up prisoners.

We lock ourselves up in the unnecessary details, destroy any chance of happiness and crush ourselves beneath minute technicalities. We take any compliment or bit of flattery and turn it into something else… something that’s wrong.

We decipher texts into words that don’t exist and situations that never occurred. We turn good things into bad omens and ruin things before they’ve happened. We preemptively destroy anything that could have been good, by turning it into something that it’s not.

We are ruining our happiness from the inside out. By taking apart everything, we are removing ourselves away from the moment.

We are creating scenarios that don't need to be played out and crying over words that don't deserve our tears, let alone a second read through. We are making ourselves sick, choking on our own bile and disillusion. And we will not get better until we stop.

We won't be free until we learn to take things how they are, or at least with just a few grains of salt. We will not be healthy again until we can be like those who can take things at whim and move on. We will not be happy until we stop all the goddamn overanalyzing.

1.  Text messages you've received

“Hey what’s up” shouldn't have more meanings than a Quentin Tarantino movie.

Men aren't complicated. If anything, they're so basic, it can be hard to wrap our minds around. They do not plan out their texts or think about the subtle nuances behind "k" and "hi."

They text you if they are thinking about you and sometimes not even then. Their texts aren't worth analyzing because there's absolutely nothing behind those 120 characters.

2. Text messages you've sent

Choosing between "hey" and "hi" shouldn't be as confusing at those SAT analogies.

In the words of Macbeth, "What's done is done." You can't take your texts back any more than you can get back all that time you wasted on ex-boyfriends. Stop worrying about what you said, didn't say or should have said because, unlike yourself, he's not overanalyzing your texts.

3. Text messages you never got

Blank screens are like clean STD results, you're free to move on.

So he hasn't texted you in three days. Either he's not into you, he's a horrible texter or he's lost his phone. Either way it's not your problem. Sitting around wondering what your empty screen means is getting you nowhere.

What it means is that you need to move on and start finding other hobbies besides anticipating blinking lights and vibrations.

4. Drinks versus dinner

Drinks... I'm easy, dinner... I’m awkward.

Every man is different and just because he's inviting you out to drinks doesn't mean you're not worthy of dinner. Most guys hate dinner the same way women hate football Sundays.

It's not always necessary and sometimes you just want to start with drinks and see how it goes. Stop worrying about what it means and just have a few drinks and go with the flow.

5. "The Talk"

Should we have it? What does it mean if we don’t? Did we just have it?

The talk is something that shouldn't happen after middle school. You are adults and if you're supposed to be more than just two people on a date once a week, it will happen on its own. Let the talk progress at its own pace and stop worrying about when it's going to happen.

6. Your shoes

Because everyone at the club’s looking at your feet…

Some women may understand how shoes can make or break an outfit, but, in reality, no one is looking at your feet. Spending 20 minutes pondering which make you look better is about as fruitful as second-guessing your cleavage.

7. Compliments

Pretty, but not beautiful...

A compliment is a compliment and comparing it to what it wasn't just takes the piss out of the whole thing. Take what you can get and be happy that someone thought something enough to say it out loud. In other words, be grateful and stop looking that gift horse in the mouth.

8. To shave or not to shave

If I shave I won’t get laid, If I don’t shave I will.

Shaving is about as simple as this: If you have the time and the energy, do it. If you don't, wear pants and make sure to find a man who you know won't mind a natural woman. Because, chances are, he isn't even going to take the time to feel up your legs.

9. Sex stuff

Was it good? Was I good?

Let me save you even a millisecond of overanalyzing this: It was good. He was lucky to have sex and you may as well be a Victoria's secret model because he hasn't gotten ass in so long. If anything went wrong (a soft penis) that's on him and let him worry about that.

10. Casual run-ins

Was I awkward back there?

There's nothing that will throw an overanalyzing woman off more than a chance encounter. After the whirlwind has worn off, women are constantly wondering how their performance was.

Was I natural? Did I say the right thing? Stop right there. Whoever you just ran into has most likely forgot about it the same way you forget someone's name after a handshake.

11. Your best friends

Wait, is she mad at me?

Best friends are like rubber bands, they always snap back. You can pull them to a point of almost breaking, but they'll still come back in the end. Stop worrying about everything she could be mad about and ask her straight up.

Chances are, it's all in your head and, if not, just apologize and go back to having fun.

12. Your zodiac sign

It says I'm supposed to find love though.

Those things are about as accurate as a Buzzfeed quiz.

Stop trying to figure out your life from someone who's good at making women feel like their birthdays have anything to do with their love lives, careers or friendships. Make your own fortune and you won't have to analyze ever again.

13. Your hair

It looks fine.

14. What he said in bed

There comes a point in life when all women must face the truth. And the harsh truth about men is they will say anything to get you in bed. They will also say anything once you're in bed and after you're out of it.

Something our mothers never told us is men have no problem lying and men are also blinded by sex. So take what they say with a grain of salt and next time get it in writing...

15. What people think of you

Does she think I'm weird?

Caring about other women's opinions of you should have stopped in high school. We are sisters and need to take every woman as she comes. If she isn't into you, then ignore her. We have too much to worry about besides some bitch's unimportant opinions of you.

16. T&A

He doesn't like me, my boobs are too small.

I'm going to let you in on another secret your mother never told you; boobs are boobs and men are happy to see them no matter how big or small they are. Stop worrying about your body because you're going to be beautiful to someone.

There's nothing you can do, aside from squats and surgery, and spending your time thinking you're not good enough will never attract anyone.

17. Our social media "likes"

She didn't like my Instagram pic, think she's mad?

Social media sites are the root of all anxiety. For women, there's no worse platform to overanalyze on. Save yourself some much needed stress and delete your profiles or learn not to give a f*ck if people like the picture of your apple.

All that matters is who likes you when you're not on your phone.

18. Text back response time

It's been five minutes, he's over me.

Men are impossible to figure out, so stop trying to analyze their number counts. There is nothing going on in between his texts besides him playing video games, working or playing with himself.

19. People at the gym

She thinks I don't belong here, I know it.

They aren't looking at you! She's looking to see how much longer you're going to be on that treadmill. Stop thinking that everyone is thinking about you because, in reality, we're all just thinking about ourselves.

20. Lols

He uses "lol" way too many times, he's weird

Texting is like kissing, we all have our own style. Sometimes you match up with people, other times it's just disaster. Just because he doesn't text like you, however, doesn't mean he won't be a good fit.

You can ignore the texts, but you can't ignore the chemistry. Don't analyze his "lol" until you've heard him laugh in person.

21. Your day-to-day happiness

Why am I so sad?

The reason you're not happy is because you're overanalyzing. Stop overanalyzing and you'll never have to wonder again why you're unhappy.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It