Having big boobs is a blessing -- and a curse. You look awesome in tight tops, your cleavage is enviable and you always feel sexy.
While that's all well and good, it’s also hard to find clothes to fit you properly; you're in constant back pain, and you feel objectified because of your body.
But there's no struggle so real as adding your period to the mix. All of those "benefits" fly right out the window, and all you're left with are too giant, liquid-filled watermelons that make your life for the next week (or more) exceedingly difficult.
A well-endowed woman knows what I'm talking about. Big boobs are a far cry from f*cking enormous boobs — and the latter's what we deal with monthly.
Too much of a good thing isn’t always bad, but it is when it comes to boobs.
These are 21 struggles every woman with big boobs goes through while on her period:
1. You have to have an actual period bra because your boobs go up two cup sizes.
And your “period bra” is never a “cute” bra. It’s always some full-coverage, flower-printed nightmare from the distant corners of the department store.
2. Back pain is so real.
As a big-breasted lady, you know the back pain comes with the territory, but when you're on your period, it’s like a whole other ballgame.
Your lower back feels like a jackhammer is being rammed into it with the violent force of a thousand tornados.
3. It's like carrying around two giant water bags.
Each bloated boob weighs about 9,000 pounds. It's laborious to walk, to stand and to function like a normal human when your boobs are this gigantic and this heavy.
4. You can't see your feet.
And putting on shoes is a nightmare. Try as you might, your feet have disappeared for the next five days. Make sure to hold every railing you can possibly grab. The vertigo is too real.
5. They make you never want to get pregnant.
Yes, this is what it’s going to be like, girl. Gigantic, milk-filled breasts for over a year. If you can’t even handle a week of this, how are you supposed to survive breastfeeding?
6. They hurt.
They just f*cking hurt.
7. You're super horny but they’re too sensitive.
Your period makes you horny, and your hormones are running as wildly as a 17-year-old boy at a skin film. And yet you cannot engage your overly-sensitive boobs into the game because the minute a hand (or mouth) makes contact, they feel like they’ve been lit on fire.
8. Your bra gives new meaning to the word "chest cage."
Never will you hate a bra so much as you do when you have your period. Bras are already relics of medieval torture, when your boobs are extra enormous, it’s like hell on earth.
9. All of your sweaters and tops get stretched out so you can't wear anything cute.
You’re basically confined to oversized pullovers and your boyfriend’s button-ups for a solid week. Your body is looking awesome with these humungous boobs, but no one can fully appreciate the view.
10. You have to skip the gym because they hurt when they bounce.
You could get a sports bra made of steel, but it'd ever be enough. Running on a treadmill is like wearing two industrial water jugs around your neck.
11. Your nipples get HUGE.
Having big boobs comes with having large nipples. It’s honestly bizarre how much they expand when your period comes. It’s really not a great look.
12. It hurts to breathe.
You’re in your office constantly pulling the underwire of your bra away from your ribs so you can catch your breath. It’s like trying to breathe underwater, through a straw.
13. You can't be on top.
At least you can make him do all the work?
14. You can't find a position to sleep.
There is no way to sleep comfortably when your boobs are this big. You can’t sleep on your belly because it hurts; you can’t sleep on your back because you can't breathe and you can’t sleep on your side because all of your weight distribution is completely off.
15. They go away.
Even though you kind of hate them a lot, it’s a little sad you get to have these giant grapefruit tits for just one week every month.
If you gave your number to a hot guy, he’s going to think he’s losing his marbles once he takes you out. But then again, if he doesn’t call you again, he obviously was a creep anyway.
16. Your friends keep touching them.
For some reason, the second Aunt Flow comes to town, your tatas become part of the public domain. Your friends are baffled and intrigued by you. All they want to do is touch. Once this happens enough times, you’ll realize resistance is futile.
17. The locker room is uncomfortable.
...Everything is uncomfortable.
18. After drinking, you could breast-pump alcohol.
If your boobs didn’t feel super swollen before, you can bet your sweet ass right now they're over-the-top and filled with fluid. You sometimes consider just pumping and dumping.
It’s like having milk jugs with no baby to feed and, therefore, no relief of any kind.
19. You can't walk up and down stairs.
Walking up and down the stairs is a literal safety hazard. You could have one of two things happen: You could give yourself a black eye by the sheer upward propellant of your bouncing tits, or miss a step, eat sh*t and break your neck.
20. When you hold a baby, you are mom.
Babies think you’re their mommy because they assume your swollen chest bags are a source of nourishment for them — and believe me, getting felt up by an infant is awkward for everyone.
21. Your body looks bangin', but you can't do any banging.
Your boobs are enormous, which makes your waist look even smaller. You’re practically f*cking Kim Kardashian right now — minus all the farting and bloating — but unless you’re going to part the red sea, you’re nothing but eye candy.
Sexual frustration is never fun, especially when your hormones already have you emotionally wrecked.