As the “fairer sex,” there is a certain standard that society has regarding what females should and should not do.
From the unrealistic expectation to always look “perfect,” to the notorious, and even more unrealistic, “girls don’t poop” notion, women are constantly under pressure to look, talk and behave certain ways.
Any gal who dares to overstep these boundaries faces the possibility of being labeled as grotesque, unrefined and unladylike.
Unfortunately, the list of things that ladies are expected not to do is way too long, and I know that I’m not the only one who finds the unwritten code of conduct to be completely insane and impossible. Who even made these rules!?
They’re clearly the result of a time when all women were housewives, treated men like their masters and threw around the word “maiden” a lot.
So, in our forward-thinking society, why are these things still taboo? Why is it okay for men to do absolutely disgusting things, but not us?
I appreciate a girl who does what she wants. I respect a female who isn’t afraid to say the first thing that comes to her mind, however vomit-inducing it may be.
These are some of the nauseating things that we all do that should definitely not lead us to feel guilty:
1. Sitting on the toilet seat.
Whether you’re too short, too drunk or just too tired, hovering over the toilet seat to pee is not always a possibility.
Why is sitting down on the seat the worst thing in the world? Yes, it’s full of germs, but life is full of germs. If you find yourself in a pickle and you need to have a seat, go for it — not everyone has thighs of steel.
2. Using porta potties.
Are they a step up or a step down from peeing on a tree? I’m honestly not sure, but either way, porta potties are, at some point in our lives, a necessary evil.
3. Not wiping your pee when there's no more toilet paper.
Sometimes while in line for the bathroom, I notice that there is a stall open with no one is going into it and I’ll ask the person in front of me, “Why is no one using that stall?”
Of course, I expect an answer along the lines of, “Well, ma’am, there is projectile vomit all over the walls in that particular stall,” to which I would grimace, thank the woman for her honesty and gladly avoid that particular toilet, along with everyone else.
But, sometimes — and this happens way more than it should — the response is, “There is no more toilet paper in that one.” Seriously? Has no one ever survived a piss with no toilet paper to accompany it?
And of course, you can’t be the one to cut off five women in line who are technically doing the “ladylike” thing, even though you totally don’t mind peeing without toilet paper.
So you wait patiently because having to look someone in the eye and tell them that you don’t care about being gross is sometimes too much to bear.
4. Urinating in places not meant for urine.
A wise scholar once said, “When you gotta go, you gotta go.” The problem is, sometimes there is no place to “go.” From peeing in the pool to peeing behind a parked car, we have all been there. Sometimes, you just have to improvise.
5. Having bodily functions.
Need I elaborate? As human beings, we all have the same bodily functions. Some are gross and unpleasant, but that's life. Period.
6. Neglecting to wash your hair.
Washing your hair is a considerable commitment because after you wash it, it is wet. For many, wet hair is very unpredictable and journeying into your day with a wet head, not knowing what kind of hair day awaits you is a bold move.
Drying and styling your hair can also be unbearably troublesome, so sometimes, the only solution is to avoid this dilemma altogether and just refuse to wash your hair.
This is fine until halfway through the day when you feel like there is a large chance that a small grease fire might combust on your head.
You curse yourself for being so lazy this morning and promise to never make this mistake again. But, deep down, you know very well that you will do it… tomorrow.
7. Refusing to remove your makeup.
Sometimes, after a night out, we go right to bed, forgetting to wash our faces. The next morning, this means one of two things: a face full of clogged pores and raccoon eyes or if you're very lucky, a look that will flawlessly translate into today’s, more subtle, made up face.
8. "Forgetting" to shave.
Sometimes, we just can’t find the time, energy or desire to shave. So for a day — or 10 — our bodies can get a bit hairy. A good general rule to follow is to pick the most important body part to shave.
Wearing a tank top means you should probably shave your armpits, but that is simply a suggestion, definitely not a rule.
If you decide not to shave for a week, embrace it. Just think: kittens, puppies and bunnies are all very hairy and they are still adorably lovable.
9. Not being able to control your sweat glands.
The amount of sweat that one’s body produces is not something we can simply control, so why do we get so embarrassed when we get sweaty?
Until someone invents a sweat gland seal, we’re all going to just have to suck it up, let nature play its role, and stop being embarrassed about being a sweaty mess.
10. The body odor check.
Everybody sweats and, unfortunately, sweat makes us smell bad. The discreet (or not so discreet) body odor check is sometimes essential.
When paranoia sets in and you begin asking yourself, “is that me or is someone chopping onions?” There is no other option but to stretch out your arms and point your nose in the general direction of your pits.
Hopefully, you’re just standing next to someone smelly, but if you are the culprit, the fix can be as easy as locating some deodorant.
11. Eating something after it fell on the floor.
What’s a gal to do you do when she drops something that she was eating on the floor? It’s a moral dilemma of sorts, for sure.
Even if we abide by the five-second rule, this can still be a little taboo. There are some things to take into consideration: Where did it fall?
And how badly did you want to eat that thing you dropped? Once you have deemed it acceptable to continue eating, there’s no turning back. Enjoy it and have no regrets.
12. Going commando.
Am I trying to be sensual or did I just not have any clean underwear? The mystery can be so sexy, in a my-privates-are-rubbing-all-over-my-pants kind of way.
Laundry can take hours and underwear takes about 25 extra seconds to put on in the morning, which can sometimes be too long. Every girl has gone commando out of sheer laziness at some point in her life.
13. Wearing the same outfit two days in a row.
To put it simply: Sometimes an outfit is so nice, you want to wear it twice.
14. Living in your own filth.
When I ask myself when was the last time I cleaned, the answer is usually a few months ago. On the rare occasion that I do a thorough cleaning, I feel as if it should hold me over for at least a good five months — I mean, I know it doesn’t, but I feel like it should.
15. Getting a bit too drunk.
Getting sloppy drunk opens the vault to so many unladylike behaviors. From slurring your speech and falling off a bar stool to throwing up and having a serious make out session with someone you just met, getting way too drunk is something that many of us do, way too often.
16. Making love to your food when you're drunk.
Sometimes, a girl reaches the point in a drunken night out in which she decides that drunk food is at least 98 percent more appealing than drunk sex.
She then makes the commitment to direct all of her drunken passion toward that slice of pizza that she’s about to eat. She makes that food her bitch.
She rubs it all over her face, messes up her makeup, stains her clothes and maybe even throws in a few inappropriately loud, seemingly sexual moans.
This whole scene can be a bit grotesque, but no one can ever take a girl’s drunk food away from her.
17. Talking about our unladylike feats.
Possibly the most unladylike thing to do is to constantly talk about the unladylike things we do. From graphic sex descriptions to the overwhelmingly dark and mysterious period discussions, inherently gross girls have no problems talking about vile things.
I find it thoroughly refreshing when a woman can freely admit she is a human being — an utterly revolting, imperfect human being.
So, if you ever come across a girl who appears as if she just jumped off the page of a magazine, know that she has some serious gross baggage that she’s hiding. If you are this girl, loosen up — we all do unladylike things, whether we will admit it or not.
If you truly have never done anything on this list, you are probably immortal or something, so congratulations. Otherwise, it’s time to embrace your inner piglet and stop feeling guilty about it.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It