A while back, Paul Hudson wrote an article about 10 things men need to do to become gentlemen again. In it, he explores modern culture and the way it has been shaped by the independence movement for women.
And though he recognizes and supports that women are capable of doing things on their own, he asks why certain courtly practices of dating have been neglected -- when most time, they are merely acts of courtesy.
He lays out 10 things men may do to change these circumstances, and I am here to provide you with 10 things ladies can do in order to also be courteous in relationships. This isn't to blame either gender for the current state of affairs, but to provide balanced attention to the fact that the two sides should always pull their weight in a relationship -- equally.
1. Be honest and open with your intentions.
Not really looking to date? Then tell him that. You’re a grown working woman, you can pay for your own dinner and movie night. if you’re saving and don’t want to pay for dinner and a movie, use social media.
I’m sure there are a lot of Facebook and Twitter friends that would love to pay for coffee just to hang out with you.
2. If you know it won’t work out, then don’t lead him on.
Sometimes we think that something can work and will work, only to later accept that, in reality, it can’t and won’t. It sucks. We can even be convinced that we’re in love with someone only to get disillusioned down the road – it happens to the best of us.
If that’s the case, then man up and do what needs to be done. Don’t waste your time and don’t waste his.
3. Actually listen when he talks.
Men don't tend to voice their feelings as often as women might. So if they’re willing to share their thoughts, you might want to listen because it is important to them that you do.
In my experience, guys share opinions and feelings when they know someone will listen without judging them. Sometimes they like to talk about things we don’t, but pay him the courtesy of listening to them.
He may not be happy listening to the list of things you had for brunch or your recent Pinterest board either, but he listens (or at least tries, if you matter to him).
4. Respect him as an individual.
He is not an object. He is a person. An individual. Somebody who is separate from you and, although you may be in love with him, he is not a part of you. You cannot treat him like you own him, but respect him as a person.
This means giving value to his thoughts and opinions. This means giving him space when he asks for it and respecting his wishes even when they don’t align with yours.
Respecting him means never forcing your own thoughts, wants or beliefs onto his when they aren’t in his best interest.
5. Respect his privacy.
You can be the jealous type (to a fault), but he has to have his privacy. If you are dating then you should trust him enough not to feel the need to go nosing around through his things (phone). If you can’t trust him, then you can’t really love him.
6. Support his dreams and goals with positive reinforcement.
Being a lady isn’t about cooking and looking nice. Your boyfriend deserves to be treated special because he is special otherwise you wouldn’t be with him. We’re not here to judge him.
We’re here to support him, to help him be the best person that he can be. Foster his dreams, congratulate him when he succeeds and comfort him when he fails, just as you should expect from him.
7. Avoid lying to him.
I’m not the type of person who believes all lies are bad. However, lying is dishonest. Whether that dishonesty leads to good or bad varies.
Honesty is the foundation every relationship rests upon. We need to know that we can trust those who are closest to us because we don’t want to keep our guard up.
Being in love greatly depends on taking our guard down. Lies ruin the trust and often force our partners to question the relationship’s longevity. You shouldn’t have to lie to the man you love. If you do, then you’re doing something wrong with your life.
8. Make him feel special without being clingy.
Everyone wants to feel special – men included. But please don’t overdo it, men just need to know they’re loved without you screaming it in every direction, sending messages every two minutes or posting every single picture of you two on his Facebook profile.
9. Make him feel respected and secure.
The need for security is something that came about from evolution. We are intelligent creatures who understand the concepts of danger and safety – we understand how important it is to keep danger out of our lives.
We all know it is nice to have someone at the end of the day who won’t judge and who will support us when everything else goes wrong.
10. Don’t abandon him.
Life can be tough. The way that life influences us and the way we react to certain instances are the result of circumstance. Sometimes we make mistakes and do things that we regret.
Why we chose to do so is what really matters. It’s one thing to break things off when they need to be broken off and it’s another to abandon your lover prematurely.
Some say guys have a knack for commitment issues, I say all people do. Don’t allow your fears to get in the way of your happiness. Don’t abandon him when he needs you most because, by the time you realize the mistake you’ve made, it’ll be too late.
Photo Courtesy: Evgeniy Kryukov/ 500px