So, about this year's spring break. You tried. You really did.
Six months ago, you were certain this would be the year you had a truly life-changing spring break experience in some off-the-beaten-path, tropical destination.
You thought it'd be just you, your buds, the howler monkeys and one of those impossibly clear limestone pools that go on forever.
Then, life happened, and you were like, “Nope, not this year. This year, we're doing spring break the old-fashioned way. We are going somewhere warm, we're going to party our faces off and we're going to love every regrettable minute of it.”
No judgement, but experience tells us that even old-fashioned spring break adventures require some advanced planning.
A rudimentary itinerary, perhaps? Certainly a basic packing list.
Well, spring break is literally around the corner, so it's time to get on it.
Here's what to bring to your boozy spring break extravaganza:
1. External smartphone battery
You can bet on a lot of things in this world, but everyone in your drunken spring break crew remembering their plug-in phone chargers is definitely not one of them.
For real, don't take that bet. You will lose.
By all means, try to remember your charger. But, have a backup plan, too.
Go buy an external smartphone battery (they're super cheap online and last forever), and put it in your travel bag as soon as it arrives.
Then, don't take it out until you're two days into the party when your phone dies and you realize, hey, I forgot my real charger (because obviously).
2. Mobile speakers and/or charging dock
Someone has to keep the party going. This year, that someone is you.
If you don't have a mobile stereo setup yet, then a) you're behind the times, and b) they're not just for spring break anymore.
Plus, most of them have charging capabilities, which is a clutch addition in the moderately to very likely event that you forget your plug-in charger and external battery.
3. Smart luggage
Luggage that tells you where it is at all times and helps you avoid obstacles paired with tipsy spring breakers is a match made in heaven!
Smart luggage is so hot right now, but it's also relatively new. So, you'll want to rely on an expert for buying advice.
Start with this smart luggage roundup. Oh, and look for options with external charging packs. They'll save you the trouble of buying an external battery.
4. Travel sizes
Seriously though, party breath stinks. (We know this.)
Stanky spring breakers eventually face a moment of truth: power through and inevitably alienate their friends, sort-of-friends and random strangers they'd really like to get to know better, or take five minutes to freshen up. (OK, 10.)
Make the right choice.
The day before you take off, swing by the drugstore and grab a fistful of travel-size toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant and shampoo. Don't forget one of those little fold-up toothbrushes, either.
Your future self will be forever indebted.
5. Comfortable blow-up devices for floating in the pool and drinking
Preferably the kind with cupholders, unless your party plans don't include a pool.
In which case, are you really even on spring break or just a cruel and utterly inadequate simulation of reality?
6. Wet wipes
You saw this coming, and now you know what you need to do.
Look, wet wipes might be the bane of your municipal water system's existence, but who has time to think about the poor pipes and sanitation workers at a time like this?
WET WIPES ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY CLUTCH.
(Plus, dude, just put them in the bathroom trash and take it out with all the other stuff. It's not that hard. No one will even know.)
7. Dry shampoo
Sunblock combined with sand, salt water, chlorine, sweat and whatever else is just a hot mess.
Though dry shampoo is no substitute for the real thing, beggars can't be choosers. And it's been party time for a while now.
What's on your party break packing list? Do you even have one? You don't, do you?
Get it together, man.