Silly Mike... Tinder's for single people.
But, alas, he couldn't resist. The temptation to dip his toe into the pool of cyberspace lust was too much.
FYI he's married and has a couple of kids. Cool.
So it was karma of the highest order when his awesome wife came across his profile and hacked it like a pro.
First, she changed his main photo to an up-close and personal mugshot where he resembles a giant thumb. It legit looks like a crime scene pic. Death by cheating.
Then — and this is the best bit — she rewrote his profile and outed him as a massive player and a failure of a man.
Read the whole thing:
Hey my name is Mike I'm married with two kids. I have a tiny dick that is STI infested. My wife found my profile if you can't tell and I don't know yet that she's talking on the phone right now with one of my girls and is leaving me. I'm a piece of shit who doesn't give a flying fuck about anyone but myself I have been talking and cheating for so long don't be sad if I don't remember your name because I send the same generic shit to all you girls. Feel free to blow me up with hate mail.
Oh, Mike. Obviously, Tinder was not the answer. Actually, come to think of it, when is Tinder ever the answer?
A screenshot of his profile was posted on Reddit, where people were having an absolute field day commenting on his photo.
Someone said it looks like he's being strangled. Another said at first glance he thought it was just a massive potato with a face. One user said he looks like Quagmire from "Family Guy." He totally does.
Oh, Mike, it's really not looking good for you right now.