Everyone has bizarre, secret sex behavior, especially when it comes to achieving the occasionally-elusive orgasm.
Maybe you make your boyfriend wear bright red (like Christina Aguilera c. 1999 hair extensions).
Maybe you need to make a jelly sandwich before sex because the idea of it waiting for you afterward gets you off.
Maybe you shouldn’t feel ashamed of any of this because, as it turns out, most people have a trick to get themselves “there.”
1. Breaking gender stereotypes and dismantling the patriarchy is her porn.
2. He’s not about to waste perfectly good gym time on JUST an orgasm.
3. Every year, he celebrates 4/20 with a messy orgy/potluck called the “Pork Stew Party.”
4. She’s perfected the delicate dance of masturbating furiously on her backyard trampoline.
5. Healthy, living humans just don’t have enough rotting flesh, tbh.
6. She feels sexiest at a time when most women feel like a leaky garbage boat set adrift to sink alone.
7. To be fair, this person is a level 6 telepath.
8. Afterward, there's the traditional biting off of the mate’s head, followed by dumping the body in the woods just to make sure.
9. “He’s, like, a slutty vampire. We’re both slutty vampires. It’s, like, a whole thing.”
10. It’s only a hassle when guys act weird about her telling them they have nice boobs. Like, take a compliment.
11. As they always say, “confusing your pets is the best aphrodisiac.”
12. The upside is she has an 18-pack, but the downside is she’s banned from Planet Fitness.
13. A discovery made while drying delicates in the late 1800s. #LaundryBoner #BeenThere
14. Granted, the title of the video was “Orgasm Hypnosis: This Trance Will Give You All The Orgasms [Orgasm Explosion Remix].”
15. It's a lot easier when your whole body is covered in nipples.
16. If you met the pillow, you’d get it: funny, cute, amazing lover, full of feathers, is a pillow.
17. HEARD THAT.
18. Never Nudes need love too, haters.
19. Also, yelling “WOOP! WOOP! AFFAIR POLICE! ARMED AND ADULTEROUS!” during climax helps.
Ahh, jelly sandwich time.
For more sex confessions, check out Whisper.