Jovo Jovanovic/Reddit

Guy’s Penis Piercing Leads To Horrifying Sex Fail

Think about your absolute worst Tinder date, then envision it so it's about 100 times worse.

That, my friends, is what a very unlucky Reddit user named sheerpariah recently experienced.

His latest Tinder date ended with his lady friend tripping in a puddle of his own urine after a night of sex — but what happened before the fall is a straight-up nightmare.

The mortified Tinder user wrote about his God-awful experience on Reddit with the title "TIFU by having a pierced penis."

(FYI, "TIFU" means "Today I fucked up." I guess I'm old and uncool because I had to Google that acronym.)

After reading about his hellish ordeal, my disastrous dating life doesn't seem so bad, provided he did actually "fuck up" like he claims he did.

Anyway, this unlucky man pierced his own penis "many moons ago" when he was in high school, and he's definitely paying for his stupidity now.

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He prefaced the nightmarish date by telling readers about the size of the piercing, then enlightening everyone about how he pees with a second hole at the tip of his penis.

Specifically, a Prince Albert which goes through the urethra and out the base of the head of the penis. Kinda like a nose ring in your talleywhacker. Sorta. I self performed this piercing many many moons ago when I was in high school. I was not normal. I have to say though, it did get me some curiosity loving on two occasions. This was not a large ring as PA's go but PA's tend to be insanely large. Mine was an 8ga. The novelty wore off after a few years and I took it out. The hole never grew up. Never will. I have an 1/8 in extra hole on the head of my penis. I have to plug the hole to pee or sit down. I sit. Mistakes are TERRIBLE as I can urinate straight backward.

Yup. In order to pee, he has to plug his piercing hole or else he will urinate backward.

That's very unfortunate.

He continues,

Thursday night, I had a Tinder "date" and because /r/iamverybadass we ended up at her apartment. (heavy sarcasm. She just needed a lay the same as me.) Now, being the romantical type that I certainly am (and having been too drunk and leaving my car at the bar) I didn't immediately dash out on m'lady. I woke at around 3 and proceeded to answer the other call of nature. Now, at this point I can make any number of excuses: it was cold, I'm a grower not a shower, fear of toilet lobsters...whatever. Fact is my dingaling was more "ding" no "aling" and was shriveled like a stack of dimes.
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But wait! The hole — the second pierced-penis hole!

Apparently, when he woke up in the middle of the night, this dude forgot to plug the second hole in his junk and his pee didn't exactly make the toilet bowl.

Instead, it sprinkled all over the bathroom floor and his date woke up and tripped on it.

He wrote,

I retire to the nest of our passion and go back to sleep to be awakened by a bump and a shout. I jumped up and ran in and this poor woman is legs up on her back giggity in a puddle of my hours old urine. My shriveled winkie didn't have any dangle and I urinated straight out the front of the toilet and had no clue.

THIS CANNOT BE REAL. PLEASE SAY THIS IS A DREAM.

His "shriveled winkie" sprayed pee onto the floor and his date took a nasty fall in his urine puddle.

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It gets worse, though.

Apparently, her fall was so bad she needed to go to the hospital.

So, basically, this guy drunkenly peed out of the second hole in his penis, and the woman he just had sex with slipped on his urine and ended up in the ER.

He continued,

It gets better. She is injured. This nice lady, who just wanted to get off (one upside is she did :) is now like a turtle on her back in a strange man's urine in her own home. Urine that she thinks is water from a leaky toilet. Really, would you have corrected her? Anyway, I just dropped her back off at home from the hospital. She had only a minor rotator. I know full well though that she will...probably already has...find out what that was. Stand by for update.

Well, I suppose the plus side is that she got off, right?

Just kidding — there is no plus side to this story.

I suppose the moral is to avoid penis piercings, and if you get one, don't forget to plug the second hole when you pee (especially at your date's apartment).

Citations: TIFU by having a pierced penis (Reddit)