We Can All Relate To These Passive-Aggressive Office Notes From Co-Workers
Hey, Leanne, do you have a sec?
I just wanted to talk to you about why you've been straight hoovering everyone's food out of the company fridge.
The regularity with which you jack every decent edible item out of the kitchen and covertly shove it down your lying maw suggests you're spending a meager 2 percent of your workday doing actual work and the other 98 percent plotting and performing despicable acts of lunch sabotage.
Is this about what Jackob Drzchkzk said to you at the merger meeting? Because if so, leave the rest of us and our meals out of it.
Jackob Drzchkzk might have a name jam-packed with redundant consonants, but at least he's never looked Amanda from IT in the eye — in the f*cking EYE, Leanne — and swore up and down he didn't eat her tuna sandwich with the rancid smell of stolen canned fish on his breath.
No, Leanne, that was you. When you walk out of the kitchen with a digestive system full of your officemate's taco night leftovers, do you feel like you actually got one over on even one of your fellow employees?
Leanne, if there is any part of you that thinks you got away with power-gobbling Keith from HR's birthday cupcake from his mom that he was saving for his ONE CARB OF THE DAY, maybe you need to take a sabbatical and reevaluate your ability to accurately perceive events as they occur in this world.
YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, LEANNE.
Stop acting like you're a Russian mob boss who suddenly moved into the office and decided to start forcing everyone to pay tithes of Eataly sandwiches and tupperwares full of cold noodles.
Leanne. Look at — Leanne, look at me. I'm not here to attack you. I'm here to be direct and honest and tell you everyone needs you to change your behavior.
If you're unable to stop stealing everyone's lunches, we will be forced to institute the Passive Aggressive Post-it Initiative.
For more information on this program, please see the video above.
You may go now, Leanne.
Citations: Daily Mail