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Mom Posts About 'Masturbating' With Husband At Cinema

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Woody Allen once said, "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love."

I can't tell which is creepier: Woody Allen or the fact that this mom masturbated inside a movie theater with her husband and is somehow cool with it.

A 42-year-old mom took to the parenting website Mumsnet to share some healthy tips on how to nail a great date idea: jacking yourself off in a dark place.

Mumsnet

If this isn't literally the dictionary's definition of "TMI," I don't know what is.

Needless to say, the internet had some thoughts about this movie theater jerk-off session and the mom's apparent thrill over potentially getting caught by the police.

YorkieDorkie was not going to let these two get off that easy (ew).

Mumsnet

Just because some films are only allowed for those over the age of 15, it doesn't mean you get to give the film a happy ending... even if it's a drama.

Mumsnet

Of course, this one law-abiding citizen got real with this masturbating mom about the IRL repercussions of her actions.

Mumsnet

One person's advice: Stay away from the movies. My advice: Heck, just Netflix and chill. It's cheaper.

Mumsnet

THINK OF THE KIDS! DO YOU WANT THEM SCARRED FOR LIFE?

Mumsnet

"Excuse me, you two. It looks like you spilled some of your lemonade slushee on your armrest. OH MY GOD, NEVER MIND. I AM SO WRONG. SO VERY, VERY WRONG."

Mumsnet

These are "grim" times we live in.

Mumsnet

I agree with this person who thinks that these strokes are subpar.

Mumsnet

Why would anyone think it's OK to get their rocks off around people who spent nearly half their weekly paycheck to see "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them?"

I do not want to find your fantastic beast out for the whole world to see while I'm watching Eddie Redmayne pet a CGI creature.

Citations: Mother who admits she enjoys X-rated sessions with her husband in the CINEMA sparks fury as she asks for advice - with other parents branding her antics 'vile' (DailyMail.com)