Who hasn't used the eggplant emoji to reference something naughty at least once in their texting lifetime? Elusive, dick-shaped and strangely sexual, eggplant emojis pack a whole lot of metaphor into one little symbol.
Now, instead of simply texting someone an eggplant to convey all that meaning, you can send a physical eggplant. In what might be the stupidest startup to date, Eggplant Mail exclusively sends real eggplants to whomever you choose.
Kind of like Dicks By Mail but less clever, the company will write a handwritten message of your choosing directly on the eggplant. They send them anonymously, too, so no one has to know you were the assh*le who paid $9.99 for an eggplant in an envelope.
The website guarantees your gift will be "100% Phallic, 100% Anonymous, 100% Disturbing." But what's disturbing is this service actually exists.
Apparently, the recipient can't even eat the eggplant because it's covered in Sharpie in or whatever. In my opinion, that's a total waste of an eggplant.
Do yourself and the environment a favor and keep blasting people with regular eggplant emojis. If you have to send your frenemy something extra special, mail them a bag of dicks for $15. Because that makes way more sense.