These Are The People Who Will Be Lonelier Than You On Valentine's Day
The University of Cambridge did a really interesting anthropological study on which demographics tend to be loneliest on Valentine's Day, and the results are an incredibly fascinating look into society and misplaced expectations on love.
Wait, did I say Cambridge? Sorry, I meant Dairy Queen. Dairy Queen did this study.
The Blizzard wizards at DQ (YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THE NAME, DQ) partnered with licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Joseph Cilona in honor of Valentine's Day.
They wanted to dig deeper into the concept of being single on a day devoted to people who have significant others, and their findings were interesting.
Apparently, women are "Proud Singles" when it comes to Valentine's Day, while men tend be big goobers about the whole thing.
Americans, at least 77 percent of them, think Valentine's Day is cliché, OK! SO STOP ASKING THEM. JEEZ!
WHO NEEDS A SIGNIFICANT OTHER, ANYWAY?! YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN SIGNIFICANT OTHER! I CAN BE MY OWN SIGNIFICANT OTHER!
Great findings, University of Dairy Queen. Hopefully that delicious caramel-coated, chocolate-sprinkled government research grant comes through soon.