When I was a kid, heroin chic was in -- if you looked at any magazine, you were bound to see a girl who was so skinny you could count her ribs.
It wasn't super healthy for a young girl's self esteem, but I feel as though I wasn't bombarded by it constantly.
Plus, where I grew up, the only people who looked like that were actually hooked on heroin and not just trying to be thin.
I left the '90s relatively unscathed, but social media is presenting a whole new bag of tricks constantly at your fingertips:
Girls who are thicc -- but only in the right places.
A thick booty/thigh combo is now ideal, paired with a tiny waist and voluminous breasts.
With the right combination of genes, fitness and diet, I'm sure plenty of people could gain this look -- but who has the time and dedication to do that?
Thankfully, photo-editing exists and now, I can trick so many people into falling in love with me online and then link them to my Amazon wish list.
This dude quickly demonstrates just how easy it is to get that big booty without having to turn to a plastic surgeon.
Of course, this does ruin the illusion of those women you follow, doesn't it? Sorry, friends, no woman is perfect.
Next time you DM your crush that you're "swiggity swooty comin' for dat booty," ask yourself does the background of her pictures line up? Or is it a little curvy?
It's like my mom always says,
These sage words of advice have protected me from harms more than once on Tinder dates and hopefully, they'll serve you well in times to come as well.
Until then, I'll be over here, fixing all of my selfies.