You Need To Be Having This Much Sex To Maintain A Happy Relationship

by Eitan Levine

According to a recent study published in Social Psychology and Personality Science, if you are an established couple looking to bring some more happiness into your lives, you should be doing the sex EXACTLY ONCE A WEEK.

No more, no less. Science ruled, and it will know if you overstep.

The study was done on data collected from 25,510 Americans ages 18 to 89 from 1996 through 1998.

Of participants in the study, two-thirds were either married or in a relationship, with the other third being stag.

The researchers found for people with a significant other, more sex meant more happiness, within reason.

The study determined couples should be getting it on at least once a week, but if they were to do the deed more times than that, the increased amount didn't really affect either partner's happiness.

This same effect didn't carry over to single people, though, as they are destined to live their lives as miserable shell creatures with nothing to ever be happy about ever.

Amy Muise, the lead researcher and a social psychologist at the University of Toronto Mississauga, told NPR,

This showed a linear association between sex and happiness up to a frequency of once a week, but at higher frequencies there is no longer an association. Therefore it is not necessary, on average, for couples to aim to engage in sex as frequently as possible.

Sure, cool. That all sounds great, but this data is from the late 90s when sex was BARELY a thing. This is 2015, baby!

The world has TWO “Magic Mike” films now! Surely taking more all-expense-paid trips to Bonersville, USA equals being happier TODAY!

OK, calm down. That statement is false, and Bonersville isn't in the USA; it's in your heart and every song by Michael Bublé.

According to a smaller study Muise did on 355 volunteers, the same sex-happiness rules apply today as much as they did during the Clinton administration.

Sex CAN make you happier, but there is no real change between doing it once a week and doing it 600 times a week, which is probably too much actually.

People also said they thought money made them happier than having sex -- unless the sex was just once a week. In that case, respondents said they preferred that sweet, sweet vacation to BONERSVILLE… Sorry, I'll stop.

Go forth and sex within reason, everybody!

Citations: Is Sex Once A Week Enough For A Happy Relationship? (NPR), Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better (Social Psychology and Personality Science)