Hello there, my little Nancy Reagans. Admit it, you've been
~wayyy too high~ before.
Perhaps one particularly disorienting experience convinced you to end your tenure as an RDU (Recreational Drug User -- NOT an employee of the Raleigh-Durham International Airport, unless you happened to be both at any point).
Sometimes, even the best of us fall victim to consuming so much marijuana our world seems like a swirling, sweaty carnival of drama.
In those moments, it's important to look for the silver lining in your personal terror cloud.
Below, read eight people's stories about the time they got too f*cked up after toking up.
When your life turns into a high, low-stakes action movie. One time, I got really f*cked up in a field where all these cows were (apparently). I did not know this when I decided to get high with my stupid friends. Anyway, I got really f*cked up and then got dizzy and fell down in the grass. I looked up and saw a cow running toward us. One of my male friends kind of scooped me and half carried, half dragged me to this gate before we were stampeded. It felt like the most terrifying video game I had ever been in, ever. This experience (and I) had no chill.
-Lucy, 25 When your glitter nips steal the show. I was at a music festival in March with a co-worker friend, and we came across this girl who was probably 12 years old named after a *~certain~* teenage witch. She told us she just took acid and she looked GONE but, like, still relatively coherent. She told us she had weed and then became our new BFF4LYFE. We smoked a bit, but neither my friend nor I were getting much of a high. Maybe it wasn't good weed. I don't know. So later that night, before Skrillex's set, we went back to her car and she pulled out these 'special' homemade Rice Krispies. We had two Krispies each, but we still weren't getting high.
JK, an hour later we were tripping. Like, tripping to the point where I wasn't sure if I was on stage/in the audience. Trees were talking to me. I made friends with a girl I thought went to high school with me. I went to a body glitter booth and took my top off and got SHOWERED in glitter. I walked around topless with GLITTER ON MY NIPS. I remember dancing and becoming friends with someone named Lil' Dicky. It was THE BEST NIGHT EVER.
I was also scared sh*tless. Like, scared that the trees were going to come after me and murder me. I was convinced the grass was quicksand. I remember dragging my friend back to the car and sleeping there and not getting home until the butt crack of dawn. In retrospect, I really doubt those Rice Krispies were JUST laced with weed... All I can say is that there are photos of me topless and glittery floating around on the Internet somewhere and I will 100 percent deny it's me if you ever come across them.
-Kara, 24 When everything tastes like Cocoa Puffs. I once got super high/drunk after a party at my best friend's house at 3 am. They never had any 'good' food, they were health nuts or just never went food shopping. Luckily for me, I found a huge container of Cocoa Puffs. I found some milk and started my first bowl. It wasn't until I finished my second bowl of Cocoa Puffs that my friend told me that it was actually dog food. I had eaten two full bowls of dog food.
-Zach, 26 When you discover you didn't commit manslaughter. Sophomore year of college, I got pink eye in both of my eyes. I spent all day waiting for the campus doctor and finally, at 6 pm, they told me the doctor had left and I could not get any drops, so I was SUPER contagious. I went to my hookup's house that night (without taking any medication) and took the biggest bong rip of my life, like this was a MONSTER of a bong rip. After I coughed my brains out for five minutes, he looked at me and said, 'How many days have you been on the eyes drops?' I then revealed that I have not taken any drops and he promptly kicked me out of his house. Right.
Driving back to campus I was super stoned and, for some reason, I thought I had driven over an old Asian man. I think this is because I had just seen the movie 'Crash.' So, I called my roommate and started crying telling her I killed an Asian man and he is being dragged under my car. I was hysterically crying all the way back to campus thinking security was going to stop me and I was going to get arrested and sent to jail. As I rolled up to campus, I breezed through security -- I had not killed an Asian man. Relieved, I went back to my dorm room and washed my hands... for 45 minutes.
[caption id="attachment_1487552" align="aligncenter" width="245"]Giphy[/caption] When you survive a Brooklyn blizzard. There was a blizzard warning so me and my girlfriend at the time decided to hole up in my apartment for the night. My roommates were heading next door to smoke and hang with the neighbors and extended an invitation for us to tag along. It started off normally: drinking and smoking, normal conversations, the usual. And then things turned. See, I don't really smoke often. And I know that when I mix pot and booze, I kinda turn into a zombie.
Everyone else was having a great time, dancing and singing and baking biscuits and, suddenly, I'm huddled in the corner unable to move. After what felt like hours (but was probably only 10 minutes), I abruptly interrupted the festivities to announce that I had to leave. Everyone tried to make me stay, but I wasn't having it. I mumbled under my breath, bolted to my bedroom, took off all my clothes and got in bed for the night. It was 8:30.
-Kyle, 32 When you get your dream job. I had only smoked once or twice in my life, but my friend had just gotten some weed and a huge s'mores pizza pie, so I felt like it was a perfect opportunity to get stoned. Little did I know, smoking a blunt is NOT the same as smoking out of a bowl, so I took like five hits and got waaaaay f*cked up. I literally felt my body melt into a puddle as the weed kicked in. I felt like my arms were a thousand pounds and probably looked similar to how Leo DiCaprio looked in 'The Wolf of Wall Street' while trying to crawl to his Lamborghini as I tried to get into my friend's car.
When we got into his house, my friend put on 'American Horror Story' and I immediately lost my sh*t. I made him drive me home so I could play with my dog and sleep it off. The next morning, I got a call that I had gotten the job at a local news site and I had to take a drug test. I have no f*cking clue how, but I passed! And I never smoked again.
[caption id="attachment_1487608" align="aligncenter" width="480"]Giphy[/caption] When you live your own "Night at the Museum." This weekend, I ate some pot brownies and went to the Museum of Natural History, which I highly recommend (no pun intended). My friends and I stood in front of those life-size dioramas of North American landmarks and felt like we were teleporting across the country. It was basically like a cross-country road trip, but it only cost $5 because that museum is suggested donation and we're cheap AF. Also, that huge whale is amazing while high. Whales are so gigantic. They're, like, bigger than dinosaurs were and they exist RIGHT NOW. It's crazy stuff, man.
[caption id="attachment_1487601" align="aligncenter" width="245"]Giphy[/caption] When you meet your idols... and they kindly ask you to leave. Last year on the last night of Del Close Marathon [a three-day improv comedy festival in NYC founded by the Upright Citizens Brigade], I ate a way-too-strong weed brownie and ended up weed-paralyzed in the DCM VIP room. I was alone for a while and just kinda zoning out and then a bunch of celebrities, including Amy Poehler, came in. I've never met any of them and could barely even move.
I tried to make conversation with Matt Walsh about 'The Daily Show' and it only made things worse. They didn't know me and I was this f*cked up dude in a sportcoat. I had an all access pass but I was only in the VIP room because I was f*cked up and it was empty at first. I was a mess. Someone came in and tapped me on the shoulder and said I should probably leave. It was very embarrassing.
- Scott, 33
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