The Montecito Picture Company

Guy's Hilarious Story About Getting Locked Out Of His House Naked Is So Savage

The long and short of this story is, in his own words: "Virgin nerd locked himself out of his house naked because of carelessness, and my hot neighbor saw it all."

But you've gotta drink this in slowly, enjoy every minute of it, because it's hilarious and like something from a movie.

I'm gunna let this maverick do the talking....

I'm a guy who is a huge geek in my sophomore year of college. Nearly 4.0 grade point average, and a big-time calculus nerd. I'm not fat or anything, but I do have a bit of a belly from never going to the gym, ghost-white skin, and I have what my friend Ashley calls a "cute bubble butt" she says I'm "hiding" under my khaki pants all the time. So I have body-conscious issues too. I live at home with my family currently. And had a day off from school with everyone out of the house at work on a Tuesday at noon. I was having a new video game delivered to our house, and was just out of the shower around noon when I thought I heard something at the back door. I figured I would just run to the door, grab it real quick, and run back in. Well, I underestimated my awkward geekiness. As I opened the door and hurried through it, my towel caught on the chair and I tripped and stumbled forward outside. Suddenly the door swung back, hit my white butt, and I was now locked in the backyard BUTT-NAKED!!!
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He continued,

After standing there panicked and red-faced wearing nothing but my glasses for what seemed like forever, I knew what I had to do. The spare key was under the potted plant in FRONT of the house. So I tip-toed like a spy, bare as can be, all the way around to the front of the house. And it wasn't there!!! So I tip-toed my naked ass to the backyard again, hoping to shield my white bod with bushes. I then realized the key was actually moved last month to the garage. I had exposed myself to the front of the house for no reason! With absolutely no cover in the backyard, I then had to steel myself, take a deep breath, and go streaking naked across the backyard to the garage to grab the spare key, and streak back.
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So what do you suppose happened next? It's straight out of Hollywood.

Our hero ended his story like this,

In the middle of my run in all my glory in broad daylight towards the key, I turned to see our attractive 45-year-old female neighbor with the biggest smirk on her face, drinking in my every movement of my run, and every jiggle of my bare butt, as I scampered into the back door to hide my shame. It was so embarrassing (I'm blushing as I type this), and if I told anybody I knew, family or friends, they would just laugh their heads off imagining their nerdy friend naked as a jaybird running for his life.

Amazing.

Here's a tip: Always remember where the spare is.

Citations: Reddit