Handwritten love letters can be very romantic.
Despite the fact that it's 2017 and many people communicate their love for one another via emojis, a physically handwritten note can signify a more committed kind of affection for a person.
Unless you're this guy.
Reddit user "poopsie_doodle" posted a picture of a handwritten letter in the "niceguys" thread, describing the man behind the ink as someone she's only known for a month who "thinks he can lure me away from my BF of three years with an incomprehensible letter."
So, the letter is incomprehensible in more ways than one.
First, in terms of just trying to read the damn thing, it's borderline impossible. The guy chose to write the note in cursive, at a 45-degree angle, presumably in the name of ~art.~
Some saint on the internet, who goes by the username "TheFlyingManRawkHawk," helped the girl translate the contents of the letter, as she could hardly decipher it alone.
And, um, it got a little weird.
The letter begins,
courage, ill-timed, quickly becomes foolishness so, for nigh on a year, i have fallen upon my boulder-stubborn conundrum as a river. now, however, i feel I may be close to losing some, if not all, of the brilliant words and precious laughter which vibrate so shapely from within my [Redacted] choicest mornings. so here, legs tensed for the leap and breath held for the fall, I am prepared to move boulders, any mountains worth if youll let me.
The note continues,
you say [Redacted] is what you need right now. shame be on me for not crying out my objection instantly. that fortress of reason has given you much but, i do not believe he has anything more to offer. i believe his stasis, perfect for the [Redacted] of three years ago, can but only become your stasis. i offer you no argument against your need to steadfast Reason But, his is a cornerstone from some city structure, It's pressure-washed and rectilinear.
The basic gist of the letter? He's trying to get this girl to dump her boyfriend of three years (they live together, BTW) to be with him - a guy she has only known for about a month.
Needles to say, the comments on the thread were ruthless about the guy who wrote the letter.
It's cringeworthy how he feels he should have "corrected" her years ago.
Mmm, but dat handwriting, doe.
I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING FAMILIAR ABOUT THIS.
The letter concluded,
[Redacted] i have spent the worthwhile part of my life attaining to stillness so that here, searching for the peace inside the tempest, I may offer those years, those hours, to you. i offer you my fungus and graffiti, my vermiculate core and the cicatrix across my skin in exchange for your magenta-rare ruins and, your obsidian-thick umbrage, for the paise of your storms steam-blanched shirt and the wilderness of its center. lay your vines across my side and let me hold you safe, but only that you may swing free through the wilds of the sky be on my team, and i will be your champion. give me your evenings and i will rub your everything, lay down this garden bed, that we may grow our antiquated magic. at your pleasure, [Redacted]
It'd be a hard pass for me on this entire thing, but especially this line:
The underlying arrogance of the whole thing is pretty infuriating.
Just hit the dude with this, and he'll definitely go away:
Several people on the thread felt this girl should run for the hills.
Many are even genuinely concerned for her safety.
This guy's letter is obviously really bizarre on multiple levels, but the girl who originally posted it hit the nail on the head explaining why this behavior bothers her so much:
I've always hated Nice Guy behavior, but this has made me understand exactly why: How the flying fuck can you possibly make a claim about how you'll treat girl X "like a queen" or "actually treat them right" or whatever chickenshit they're spouting these days if girl X is a stranger to you, with her own wants and needs you might not fit? It's because you don't care about who they are, you care about what kind of symbol they can be for you.
The message is pretty clear: if you like someone, just treat them like a person, not like a freaking deity.