Facebook Will Now Let You Sell Your Exes' Belongings

Facebook is launching Marketplace today, a feature within the social media's app on both Android and iPhone. Users can now buy and sell goods with others.

So, that's right, [Redacted], my ex who is reachable at the phone number [Redacted] and lives at [Redacted]. You're never going to see your stupid Xbox again.

And I'm not even going to light it on fire like the last one when you first broke my heart. I'm going to make some money.


Within the next few days, you can sell all the things the person who crushed your soul and ruined love for you left in your apartment too.

That's when the Marketplace feature appears in the bottom row of icons on the app.

Marketplace is currently only limited to users in the United States, United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand.


You'll never see your Mid-Century Modern Armchair again, [Redacted], you banshee harlot.

When you open Marketplace, you can see which items are listed nearby. You can also narrow down the search by price, category and location. Then, you can send a private message to the seller.

Almost like how I saw you sending all those private messages to all those other women, [Redacted].

In order to sell an item, you just have to snap a quick picture, write a short description and list the location.

Facebook said that desktop users and other countries can expect to have Marketplace in the months to come.

Until then, you'll have to handle your exes' belongings the old-fashioned way.

This, of course, includes having your coven of witches meet on the night of the full moon to lay a curse upon the sweatshirt that still smells like him before you return it.

Citations: Exclusive: Facebook Launching 'Marketplace,' Allowing Users to Buy and Sell With Neighbors (ABC News)