Pornhub

You Can Now Use Emojis To Find The Pornhub Videos You Want To Watch

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Well, Millennials. You've done it. You ruined porn just a little bit.

I don't get the obsession with emojis. Sure, I use them every once in a while when I'm lazy or need to express emotions words don't cover, but anytime I do, I feel like it's a cop-out.

Like, for example, instead of typing, "Thanks for asking how I'm doing, Daniel. I could be doing better. I can't pinpoint it, but I've just been in a general malaise lately that's not depression-related but for sure comes from an indescribable, dark space," I just send a sad face followed by four doughnuts and three station wagons.

Emojis are dumb things our generation uses, and now, they've officially made their way over to porn.

Pornhub announced today it will be offering a service called “Emoji 4 Porn,” where customers can just text emojis to 646-760-PORN and have corresponding suggested porn videos sent back to them.

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I actually kind of get how this could be a vital service. We've all been in funks where we want to "play a round of horizontal whack-a-mole" but have no idea what to search for. With this, all we have to do is think about what we want to watch while we "take a business trip to Cleveland," find a visual representation of that, text it over and then Pornhub does the rest of the heavy lifting.

That being said, finding porn that fits your needs the old-fashion way builds character. It's what this nation was founded on. Teddy Roosevelt would be furious with this.

Pornhub's SFW landing page spells it all out a little clearer. The company also released a press release, saying,

Today, Pornhub, the premier online destination for adult entertainment, announced the launch of its emoji mobile video delivery service, which sends top rated, niche specific Pornhub videos to users who have texted designated category-related emojis to a special number... The new, free service is launching with an assortment of public emojis, including the eggplant emoji, which provides a link to a 'big dick' video; the melon emoji, which would generate a link to a 'big tit' video; and the scissor emoji, which sends a link to a video from the 'lesbian' category. On the Emoji 4 Porn landing page, an assortment of public emojis are listed, encouraging users to try and discover those that aren't listed. To access the complete list of public emojis and the Pornhub category to which they correlate.

It's all pretty straight forward. The only real mystery is there are allegedly "easter eggs" hidden within this system, whatever the hell that means.

Enjoy modern fappin' 2.0, tech nerds! I'll be here doing it the way God intended (in a basement, with headphones, on a dial-up computer)!