How Being 'Too Nice' Ends Up Ruining What People Think Of You


On my morning commute today, I was sandwiched between strangers in a train car that was so crowded, I couldn't even reach into my pockets to get out my headphones.

Just when I thought I'd make it through the last few stops without screaming, someone did something that I consider a direct assault on my humanity: They SMILED.

It wasn't a genuine, this-sucks-so-bad-and-we're-stuck-here-kill-me smile.

This person was trying to be a hero. This smile was as unwelcome as the one you get from a customer service rep who loves the fact that they're fucking you over.

"This is why I can't trust happy people," I said to myself.

I'm not saying my 8 am thoughts are balanced or healthy, or that they aren't possibly symptoms of clinical depression.

I'm just saying I've always thought there has to be some validity to my discomfort around super nice people.

School of Life's video "The Problem With Overly-Friendly People" supports the theory that overly-nice people are often looked down on by others, and for good reason.

The video explains that being too nice can make you a social disaster.

While overly-friendly people may have the best intentions, they can come off as annoying and even rude.

Although being nice isn't a bad thing, when it has a tone-deaf quality to it, it starts rubbing people the wrong way.

According to School of Life, people who are too nice are guilty of three major errors: believing they have to agree with everyone, handing out empty compliments and being "remorselessly upbeat," making the rest of us feel uncomfortable revealing our truest selves around them.

Agreeing with everything someone else says, regardless of changing opinions and completely opposing perspectives, is a form of not listening.

Truly taking in what someone says requires making a judgement of your own and offering it up to the other person, whether or not you agree.

In terms of empty compliments, when you keep saying things you don't really mean, people will start to think you're fake AF.

On the other hand, being remorselessly upbeat suggests an inability to read the situation and a lack of emotional intelligence.

If a person is cranky or feeling all doom-and-gloom, let them have their feelings without forcing a smile down their throat.

Well, now I don't feel so insane for disliking the evil Subway Smiler from this morning.

In fact, I'm feeling much more positive.

See how that works?