Aloft Hotels' emoji room service is the perfect hotel amenity for adults who, like, can't even read right now and children who actually can't read.
Let me lay out two scenarios for you:
1. Last night, you spent the hours of 8 pm to 2 am testing your liver.
It's now 11 am, your entire body smells like a Jim Beam distillery, your head feels like someone took a sledgehammer to your temple and the thought of your eyes being exposed to light or attempting to piece together words makes you question the existence of God.
2. You're a 5-year-old child.
Starting on Wednesday, Aloft Hotels will use emoji room service to address these two scenarios.
All you need to do is text the front desk whatever emoji you need to get you through whatever you're going through, and the hotel will have a package delivered to you ASAP.
There are currently six different packages on the emoji menu.
Paige Francis, the vice president of global marketing for the parent company of Aloft Hotels, said there's value in having visitors talk to the hotel in the way they talk to their friends. Francis told Mashable,
The bad news is this is only currently being offered at the chain's Manhattan Financial District location, though Aloft said if it works out it could see the program expanding to other chains in Asia, Europe and hotels in the US over the next few weeks.
Good! Words are dumb! Who needs... OMFG! LINDSEY, CLOSE THE GODDAMN SHADES! MY EYES FEEL LIKE A FIREWORK EXPLODED INCHES FROM MY GODDAMN RETINAS, LINDSEY. LINDSEY! CLOSE IT, YOU MONSTER!