Why Do Bumble Matches Stop Responding? Here's Why That Cutie May Have Disappeared
Online dating is weird, guys. I've recently been trying to use the apps, you know, because whining about being alone isn't chill when you're making zero effort. And there are so many strange strangers out there that when I match with someone nice and normal, I get a bit attached. I know it's nuts, since I don't know the person aside from an infinitesimal amount of banter. When the text-chemistry is there, why do Bumble matches stop responding? (Especially the good ones.)
I've bemoaned "But he seemed so smart and he lived in my neighborhood!" quite a few times now. Even worse than the match who disappears is the match you graduate to actual texting with, set up a date with, reschedule that date with, and then eventually just let things fizzle with.
This happened to me recently with the first dude in a long time that I had vibed with, despite never having him met in person. (Dating in 2017 is weird.) I was genuinely disappointed when we never met up. Of course, logically I knew that he could have gotten busy at work, deleted the random Massachusetts area code in his iMessages, had a dentist botch his teeth and subsequently stop dating, or maybe you know, just forgotten about that chick he swiped on a few weeks ago.
It's really hard to commit to making plans with a person you've never met in person. In fact, I think I'm only so aware when a match doesn't end up following through with me, because that whole "challenging myself to go on dates" thing I mentioned earlier is actually for a podcast. I have to go on a date a week, so my deadline means I'm actually on top of my apps.
Still, it's a confusing world out there on Bumble. Especially when a once promising match says "girl, bye." I spoke to online dating expert Julie Spira of Cyber Dating Expert to figure out why a Bumble match might stop responding, and here's what she had to say:
They're Super Busy
Aren't we all? I would bet all of my possessions that there is not one person on this planet who hasn't uttered "I'm so busy" as an excuse of sorts. Humans love telling other humans how busy they are. However, usually, people are incredibly busy. "When you're active on Bumble, you're chatting and juggling multiple people and not single focused on one potential date," says Spira. It's not you, it's their schedule.
They Met Someone Else
In addition to being busy, humans love to get busy. Sometimes "a better option comes along. Rather than telling you the truth, [your match] just ignores your texts to confirm the date," says Spira. Don't take it personally, though, because this human has never even seen you in person.
Getting ditched, especially if you've made tentative plans, "leaves you wondering why and asking yourself, 'WTF?'" says Spira. Um, yes, been there. Also, done that. I'm not the type who can go on a date every night, so there are definitely matches I've pulled the "slow fade" on because another match lined up a convenient, cute date first. Oops.
They Just Forgot About The Apps
This is really easy to do. Dating apps are a lot of work, and it's not unheard of for a person to want to take a break from them. I don't even have Bumble notifications turned on on my phone — they had embarrassed me one too many times in front of, uh, my dad and other adults.
"Even if your date hasn't met someone else, convos fizzle quickly on dating apps, so you need to keep the momentum going," says Spira. This is great advice. I've found that the sooner I set up a date and get away from the "chatting," the more likely I am to actually meet up with a match in real life.
Also, remember not to put all of your eggs in one basket. Yeah, you matched with a cutie with great text-sarcasm — a true art form, as far as I'm concerned — but there are thousands of other eligible boos out there. "The more active and engaged you are on the apps, the better chance you have of meeting someone and filling your date card," says Spira.
I feel like all of the silly rules about dating have taught many millennials to play "hard to get" at all costs. Showing interest is "uncool" and we're all trying to seem like a hot commodity. The thing is, when it comes to online dating, playing hard to get simply doesn't work.
"I believe the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal, so don't play hard to get and be too busy to meet. The sooner you meet IRL, the sooner you can determine if you have offline chemistry, with the goal of scheduling a second date," explains Spira. Ah, that's the key. Treat your Bumble first dates like you just ran into someone attractive out at a bar — feel out your chemistry, but don't put too much pressure on it. There are literally hundreds of other fish in the palm of your hands.
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