Here's How To Figure Out Who Will Plan Valentine's Day In Your Relationship

by Cosmo Luce

Valentine's Day matters to some folks, and to some folks, it doesn't. And sometimes, folks who care about Valentine's Day find themselves in relationships with people who think cupid is in cahoots with the greeting card industry, and they couldn't care less about a Hallmark holiday. By now, we should have weathered enough Feb. 14s alone to know that love has very little to do with how many conversation hearts you receive. Honestly, even in hetero couples, the person who plans Valentine's Day is typically the person who cares the most for the holiday.

The only exception is if that person's partner plans Valentine's Day for them as a special surprise, because they know traditional recognitions of love really matter to the one they're with. I don't think gender has ever had anything to do with who initiates plans for Feb. 14. I mean, aren't women just as excited about receiving boxes of Russell Stover's chocolate as men are?

Just in case it's not so cut and dry within your relationship, here are some ways you can figure out how to proceed with making your Valentine's Day plans. Don't forget that it doesn't really make a difference who puts your date together, as long as you both are having fun.

1. You Plan Valentine's Day Together, Because You Both Care

So both you and your partner care equally about Valentine's Day. That's amazing! You can collaborate on plans and construct the best date night of your life. Together, the two of you know exactly how to have a good time, and you're happy to put your heads together to plan a romantic evening. Two minds, after all, are better than one.

Who is going to cook the five-course meal, and which one of you is going to draw the hot water for the romantic bath? Which one of you is going to go out and buy your favorite kind of incense, and who is going to provide the bath bomb? Not everything has to be thought out step by step, but when you're planning an event together, each of you can think of the resources you want to contribute to a tender, sweet night in. If a night on the town is more the speed of your relationship, the both of you can surf online together for fun dance parties or romantic movie fests. The world's your oyster, and together, you and your partner can explore it. Good for you! Being gay (or anywhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum) is the best.

2. You Plan Valentine's Day Individually, Because One Of You Cares

If one of you cares more about Valentine's Day than the other, just communicate. You can talk about who wants to be responsible for the plans. You can decide that your partner will plan everything for you to do together, and you'll go along with it because your presence is a gift you can give them. Or you can decide that you are going to treat your partner to a Valentine's Day extravaganza, and take care of making reservations and planning steps for the both of you to have a good night. Because even though one of you may not care about Valentine's Day, as a queer people, you both understand that cultivating the love you have for your partner can be its own radical act.

3. Nobody Plans Valentine's Day, Because Nobody Cares

In the third and final scenario, neither of you give a hoot about Valentine's Day whatsoever, so no plans are even necessary. Maybe you make plans to meet up and eat Chinese food together. Maybe one of you has gotten slammed with work, so the other person decides to go and hang out with friends. Maybe, since this just isn't a time for you to celebrate your relationship, you choose to be supportive of your single friends who are struggling or express the appreciation you have for your queer family. You don't have to believe in Valentine's Day in order to perform acts of love — not just on Feb. 14, but every day.

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