When Your Partner Doesn't Like Your Family, Here's How You'll Know, According To An Expert
Having your partner meet your family for the first time is a pretty significant relationship milestone. No matter when it happens, you might be worried about whether your parents will like your SO, or vice versa. And while your own family might not be too shy when it comes to expressing their concerns about someone you're dating, your partner might not be able to be so honest. So, how can you tell when your partner doesn’t like your family? According to an expert, there are certainly some signs, but they might not all be crystal clear.
In fact, if your partner doesn't tell you that they aren't the biggest fan of your family, how are you supposed to know? You're not a mind reader! Well, according to Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, you can tell by observing their behavior around your family, how they talk about your family, and how they react to the idea of being around your family. If it turns out that your partner doesn't like your family, then let them know that it bothers you, if it does.
"Any time you feel caught between your partner and your family it can feel uncomfortable and tense, as though you have to choose sides," Burns tells Elite Daily. "It’s easy to get defensive in talking about this subject, so try not to blame your partner and let them know your hopes, goals, and expectations for family gatherings."
Be honest, but check in with these expert-provided signs that prove something is up in the first place.
1. They don't seem interested in your family.
Depending on how long you've been with your partner, they might just feel a little intimated by your family, or be feeling shy. But, if you've been dating for a while, and your partner never wants to see your family, that might be a red flag.
Basically, "your partner never seems to initiate communicating with your family," Burns explains. "This could be as simple as missed opportunities for liking and commenting on your siblings’ social media posts, calling to ask your mom her opinion about something that affects you, or they seem to always be waiting for your parents to start up conversations at family meals. Your fam[ily] is constantly putting in effort to get to know your partner, but it’s not reciprocated."
If your partner just doesn't seem interested in your family, it might be because they don't like them.
2. They say not-so-nice things about your family.
This might seem obvious, but if your partner doesn't always have the nicest things to say about your family, it might be a sign that they don't like them. "Sometimes your partner may make critical or belittling remarks about your family, which can be passive aggressive, or overtly rude," Burns explains.
It doesn't have to be obvious, and it may even sound like they're joking, but as Burns says, it might just mean that bae isn't crazy about your family.
3. They avoid seeing your family.
If your partner is somehow always busy when you invite them over for a family dinner, then they might be avoiding your family. "They may complain about spending time with them, or come up with excuses about being busy or unable to accompany you to family get-togethers," Burns says.
Maybe your partner tries to be nice about it, but not wanting to see your family is a sign that they might just not like them all that much. You don't avoid spending time with the people you like, right?
Really, having a partner who doesn't like your family is as big of a deal as you want it to be. If you aren't super close to your family, it's up to you to decide how much importance you want to put on your partner's relationship with them. But if your family is important to you, and you've noticed your partner exhibiting some of these signs, then you might want to bring it up in conversation. "Let your partner know it means a lot to you to see everyone get along and ask your partner how you can help build or improve their relationship with your family," Burns suggests. Remember: Honesty is always the best policy — especially when it comes to family.