What Not To Say During Sex, Based On The Worst Things Guys Have Heard

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Dirty talk has never been a strong suit of mine. What do people talk about when they're talking dirty? I mean, I guess a general rule of thumb would be to reference what you want your partner to do to you, but, like, how do you make sure you don't say something weird and awkward?! For me, when I'm stressed about something like that, I like to imagine what the worst case scenario could be. What's the worst possible thing I could say in bed? Well, a recent Reddit thread may offer some ideas for what not to say during sex.

More specifically, the thread asked its users to share the actual worst things they've heard while having sex. And, um, let's just say, the things these guys shared were definitely mood killers. BUT, before you start reading these, let me be totally clear here: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT IN BED. Dirty talk is subjective. What works for one guy may not work for another guy, just like the subpar dirty talk one person uses on you in bed may have only worked for his ex.

But anyway, without further ado, here are some lines you might want to avoid uttering during sex... you know, if you're having sex with these guys, that is.

This guy didn't like being rushed.

"Hurry up"

/u/PussyWhistle

This guy didn't like being asked if they could make a baby on the second date.

"Let's Make a Baby!"
This was on our 2nd date. Nnnnnewp!

/u/Targren

This guy wasn't thrilled when his sex partner warned him of a future surprise.

"i'm gonna put something up your butt when you least expect it"

/u/PureOrangeJuche

This guys didn't really like having his methods questioned.

If we're imagining that any of us have had sex...
The worst thing a girl said to me was when I was giving oral sex for the first time she stopped me and asked me what I was doing down there.

/u/wtf81

This conversation is just... yeah.

As im slipping it in,
her- “wait, you washed it since you pooped last,right?” ,
me- “what? Yes”,
her- “but with antibacterial soap, right?”,
me -“um, what... yeah sure”,
her -“i dont believe you. Go wash in now and i need to smell it first. “

/u/JackfromMN

This guy got antsy.

"I'm overstimulated and can't keep going"
I had to masturbate. It was awful.

/u/csesium

This guy said one girl called him her "baby boy."

One girl liked to say "baby boy." One bang and never again.

/u/naked_avenger

This guy didn't like being compared to a dog.

"God damn it, my neutered rottweiler f*cks better than you!"
Full disclosure: I'm just imagining this.

/u/TSMasochism

This guy doesn't like unnatural screams.

Just screaming, in pleasure, from the very start. Like, I just stuck it in, I know it's not that good. So awkward.

/u/yoyoyo_its_me

This guy didn't like the return policy.

"No refunds"

/u/red_keshik

Um, yeah, just don't bring up kids during sex. Ever.

After spending the day with my niece, during a Blowjob:
"Do you think your (Three-Year-Old) niece will like sucking Dick like me, when she's older?"
Record Scratch

/u/J-Bradley1

This guy didn't like being blamed for queefing.

She tried to blame me that she kept queefing. It killed it for both of us really.

/u/IShotJR3

Once again, dirty talk is totally subjective! If you want to call someone your "baby boy," and it doesn't work for your current partner, maybe it will for someone else out there.

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