If you were riveted by the infamous YouTubers' wedding in July, it might be time to think again. Tana Mongeau's video about Jake Paul is a lot to take in. In what Mongeau refers to as the "hardest video" she's ever had to create, she says she's currently "the lowest" she's ever felt in terms of her mental health.
In the video, Mongeau explained that she began dating Paul shortly after her breakup with Brad Sousa, whom she called an "idiot" who never understood her. She claimed that her relationship with Paul was very happy at first. "It was the best feeling in the world to be so on the same page with someone," she said. "It was like a drug. It was like finally feeling that understanding that I longed so badly for." But ultimately, she felt she changed core pieces of who she is in order to please her partner. "I wanted to be what he wanted, which looking back, is so unhealthy," she admitted in the video.
She says she "put on rose-colored glasses" and overlooked some of the red flags in her relationship. "I knew in the back of my head I was doing a lot of sh*t that I wouldn't do for anyone else," she says, referring to her whirlwind Las Vegas wedding that apparently "started as a joke." She explained, "We both were in over our heads obviously and having so much doubt but I think we both weren't going to voice that."
And then there was the decision to livestream the wedding. "I acted like I was fine with it to make Jake happy and then when the whole world was so angry at it, I was so angry with myself for doing something so inauthentic to make someone happy," she said.
Finally, there was the decision to agree to an open relationship. "I feel like an open relationship to Jake was him still being able to have sex with a new b*tch every night," she said, later adding, "I'm not blaming him, I was the one green-lighting everything because I wanted to make him happy and letting it kill me."
It was after they went through with the wedding that things took a turn for the worse. Mongeau's father had a stroke that night, and according to Mongeau, Paul seemed like he had one foot out the door the moment they said "I do." She admits she was "so heartbroken" when Paul chose to go on their honeymoon instead of staying back to help her through her family drama. And things only got worse from there.
"I feel like we spent all of this time trying to get back to where we were before the wedding but it's like, what's broken can't unbreak," she lamented. "Once that feeling was different, he went to one foot out the door. It felt like in a lot of ways I was latching onto someone who's like, 'B*tch get off me.'" Then she found out via Twitter that he hung out with his ex, Erika Costell. "Finding out about the Erika sh*t on Twitter, like, killed me, you know? Jake and I had so many conversations where he villainized her and I spent so much time trying to be everything she wasn't to heal him," she said.
While Mongeau's situation may seem intense, she has claimed responsibility for her actions. "In this video, I am in no way blaming anyone else for the way that I feel," she explained. "I feel like the way that I feel right now is kind of like out of body me looking at myself saying, 'You made your bed now lie in it.'"
Mongeau maintains throughout the video that she's still on great terms with her husband, but it's clear she's going through a very hard time. Check out the entire video for yourself here:
Let's send her some love, people.