The entertainment industry has presented the "friends with benefits turned long-term relationship" narrative as the modern day love story. Don't get me wrong, I love movies like Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached, but those movies have trained us to believe that the goal of any real FWB situation is for it to eventually develop into a romantic relationship. And that's just not true. In fact, I would go so far as to say that, in most cases, there are plenty of reasons not to date friends with benefits.
I mean, I get the logic behind the whole "dating your FWB" school of thought. The person is someone you're attracted to enough to have sex with, and you like their personality enough to refer to them as a friend. But, alas, life isn't always that simple. You can have both of those things and still have absolutely no desire to actually be in a relationship with this person. And that's totally fine! In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies shared the reasons why they didn't date their FWBs. If you've ever found yourself in the same situation, you'll totally relate.
My requirements for a fwb are attractiveness, good sex, cleanliness, being sexually responsible and std free. My requirements for a guy I'd actually date are far less superficial and much harder to meet.
He was a good friend, great in bed, gorgeous... but we had basically nothing in common except that. I don’t want to date someone like that.
I wasn't looking to be in a relationship. I just wanted to have fun and focus on myself.
Because he was fun to f*ck and go drinking with but he'd have been a nightmare to date.
We live in different cities, she travels often and while we get along really well/are good friends we both enjoy doing our own things. I don't know if we'd work out in the long term either.
Honestly I don't really know what I want in a partner right now and my life is in a sort of limbo till I can find work post uni or move.
For me, we tried the relationship thing but it just never worked out, but I couldn't give up the sex it was that good.
The arrangement worked for a while and we were both happy but then the emotions got involved and it got complicated again.
He was mopey while refusing to say anything about why he was mopey. His music taste was questionable. He told me he "doesn't read". He had two active OKCupid profiles. Trying to get him to leave the house was nearly impossible.
I have commitment issues and it's very rare for me to like someone enough to want to date them. I've only met one person I liked enough and we were together for a few years.
Two of them lived in another county and had jobs/kids that I wouldn't want to deal with as a gf but as a fwb I didn't have to care at all.
I was young and wanted sexual experience before dating. I think this is healthy, to experience people and know what you like.
We had excellent sexual chemistry and absolutely nothing in common.
We didn't work romantically. Our goals for the future didn't match. He wanted kids, I didn't and can't, I have more drive to move up in my field, he's content with his entry level position, I'm a very spiritual person, which he doesn't understand and doesn't really intend to. None of these things were huge red flags that would have made me stay away from him entirely, but were definitely relationship deal breakers
We work together and can not date, but we are drawn to each other. We’ve talked about it and both love our jobs and aren’t willing to give them up to be together. So, we f*ck. And if we meet other people, we go for it. When we’re both single, we go for it.
If you and your FWB end up falling for each other and entering a real, bonafide relationship, more power to you! But just being friends with benefits — nothing more, nothing less — is OK, too. Just remember: As long as you and your partner are both happy with your situation, there is no "wrong" way to be together.
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