I don't know if it's because I'm getting older (and more prudish), or the fact that I've personally never been comfortable wearing super short shorts in public, but it seems that denim cutoffs get shorter and shorter every spring. And finally we've come to this point: The denim thong shorts trend (as in shorts so short, they actually fit right between your butt cheeks, much like lingerie would) is taking the world by storm, so festival goers can flaunt both sets of cheeks in the warm sunshine.
Again, maybe I'm just an old prude, but are regular booty shorts really not short enough anymore? I think it's creepy enough when I walk around the mall and see pre-teens wearing denim shorts so tiny, they show off the bottom of their butt cheeks. However, even I can get on board with people showing a little extra skin at a festival — but, there's always someone who goes that extra mile to push the envelope. This time, the attempt at Insta-worthy public indecency comes courtesy of British online retailer PrettyLittleThing, a budget-friendly fashion brand regularly endorsed by Instagram models. Think: Fashion Nova for the Brits.
The brand recently started selling the "Mid Wash Denim Knicker" on their website (conveniently before festival season, just a week away). Before we move on, let me drop a little British terminology knowlegde on you. Knickers are what they call underwear. These jean cutoffs aren't shorts at all — they're underwear made out of denim that are being marketed as outerwear. I mean, how twisted is that?
It's like Mean Girls: Coachella is the one time of year when a girl can dress in a thong made of pant material, and no other girls can say anything about it.
Aside from it being more revealing than anyone really needs to show off in public, who in the world is actually excited to wear a pair of camel-toe inducing, chafe-producing denim underwear? Even a regular pair of jean shorts can ride up and be completely uncomfortable. Wearing these is like a permanent jorts wedgie. I seriously don't get it!
I'm not alone in my old-lady confusion. Twitter is having a field day with these totally impractical denim thong shorts. Laurie McFarlane jokes that picking your wedgie will be impossible to hide now saying, "now I no longer have to hide the fact I’m adjusting my thong. The whole world can enjoy it," while Shelby Lynn says, "we were just going out to eat. WHERE?! No shirt, no pants, no service." Most tweets on the subject are accompanied by emojis of girls slapping themselves on the head in disapproval and crying faces.
But as always, there are conflicting views. Some girls are all about the super short shorts (if you can even call them that). I've stumbled upon Twitter conversations with friends swapping tips on how to DIY the sold-out look and others tagging besties they think can pull off the trend.
In my opinion, the denim thong is everything that's right and wrong with festival season — all wrapped into one. How have we gone from celebrating music to stripping down into shorts that are too short to even have back pockets? However, on the other hand, I'm not about to shame anyone from what they may want to flaunt. Between PrettyLittleThing completely selling out of their denim-thong stock and women on Twitter bragging that they managed to get their hands on a pair in their size, there are clearly women out there who want to rock a denim thong. And hey, to each their own (even if that means a potential yeast infection).