Breaking up is hard to do, as the song goes, but recovering from a breakup can be even harder. Trust me, I've been there. While sometimes I've bounced back stronger than ever from a split, I've also spent a solid week post-breakup in bed spooning a bottle of Whispering Angel. So, honey, I feel you if you've got a bad case of the heartbreaks. If you're in the thick of mourning a lost relationship, it might seem like nothing will make you feel better. But one thing that might make you feel a teeny bit less terrible is some of the best breakup advice the internet can provide.
Whether you deal with heartache by club-hopping your pain away or by isolating yourself with Netflix and tissues, sometimes what really does the trick is hearing what helped other people get through their own tough breakups. While every situation is different, rejection is still the worst and it's perfectly OK to feel all the feels and process at your own pace. I reached out to my nearest and dearest for their best breakup advice, so if your sweet heart just took a beating, sweetheart, pour a glass of that rosé (don't spill on your sheets) and read on.
I was in a relationship on and off for a long time and it was definitely unhealthy, but I couldn't get over him. During an 'off' period, I read this quote on Instagram from Glennon Doyle: 'If you keep reaching back to a toxic relationship don't pretend it's closure you want. Calling one more time is not a need for closure — it's a need for one more fix — it's a sign of drama addiction. Detox by moving forward, not back. You don't get closure. You decide: It's closed.'
-Kristen*, 26
The best advice I was given is what I always tell to anyone going through a breakup — get in the f*cking best shape of your life. Not only will you feel amazing when you run into each other but you need those endorphins. Try something new and scary. One with a built-in community where you may even find a side social circle like Soul Cycle or CrossFit would be my recommendations, with a heavy preference toward the second. It will give you something to obsess over and when you are ready to date again you will be surrounded by sweaty, dedicated, and svelte dudes.
- Erika, 24
I’d say the best advice I got was, 'Remember, sometimes love is not about you. You might be collateral damage in someone else's journey. While that seems unfair, be mindful that you don't in turn wreck someone else along your way.' It helped me realize that sometimes it really is just about what the other person is going through.
- Jess*, 25
The best breakup advice I've ever received was from my mom. After a particularly awful breakup that came out of nowhere, my mom told me to 'stay soft.' She said to try not to let disappointment harden me, not to white-knuckle through pain and be so tough that nothing could hurt me. Because if you do that over and over, then you close yourself off to being able to let new people and new things into your heart. I always think about that, not just in terms of heartbreak, but in terms of losses that life hands me. Stay soft.
- Anne, 29
The best advice came from my therapist who told me there was nothing I could do about my breakup. I couldn't fix the relationship, I couldn't make my ex a happy person, and there was nothing I could do to change the fact that he didn't want to be with me. But the one thing I was in control over was my own happiness. He told me everyone's in control of their happiness, and a breakup didn't cede that control to my ex. It was up to me to wallow and cry, or pick myself up and enjoy my life.
- Alexis*, 27
This might be cheesy but Oprah says, 'When someone shows you who they are, believe them.' Actually, she was quoting Maya Angelou, but it's the same wisdom. I thought I could change my ex-boyfriend, I didn't believe that he didn't want to be with me and was really hung up on him for a long time, then I read that quote and realized I was in love with my ex's potential, not who he actually was. It was easier to let go of him after that.
- Elizabeth*, 30
When I finally decided to leave a really serious relationship, I felt like a super failure. Nothing was really wrong with my boyfriend, but nothing was really right, either. I finally decided to end things, but was really distraught. My best friend told me it was OK that things didn't work out. I was human, he was human, and it wasn't mean to be. That just meant that by making space in my life, I was allowing something really right to come in. That gave me some peace.
- Hallie*, 26
I couldn't help but notice one commonality all these pieces of advice have — that you can take care of yourself. Whether it's realizing someone wasn't right for you, that you get to decide what to do next with your life, or that you can be happy without this person, it's refreshing to me to be reminded that your life is yours and you don't have to depend on someone else to make it wonderful. You might be depending on your Postmates to bring you whatever comfort food your heart desires until you're ready to leave your apartment again, but other than that — you're in charge. You got this.
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