Do you think a reality dating show can handle someone who is comprised of 100% juice and equal parts that b*tch? Because flute-twerking alternative hip-hop artist Lizzo is ready to bring all of that and more to the reality dating show world. In fact, Lizzo wants to be The Bachelorette, but she has one very Lizzo condition.
On July 25, the 30-year-old who stars alongside J.Lo, Constance Wu, Lili Reinhart, Keke Palmer, and fellow lyricist Cardi B in the upcoming Hustlers movie, spoke quite candidly with Cosmopolitan about her plans to bring the juice to TV. She revealed she'd be down to appear on a reality dating show, and more specifically The Bachelorette.
"Do I watch The Bachelorette? No, but you know what, b*tch? I would love to be the Bachelorette," she said. So would I Lizzo. Are you kidding me? Talk about representation on a massive scale.
Though, it seems like the trained flutist isn't too privy on how the casting process works. "Do I have to be on The Bachelor to be the Bachelorette?" she asked the interviewer. Yeah Lizzo, usually you do. But, ABC should totally make an exception for her. I have a feeling it'd be the most entertaining season yet. Lizzo thinks so too. She's already got very specific plans for her special season.
"If I was the Bachelorette, it would just be the coolest season ever," she said. "The men would have to be naked and they would have to wear little thong briefs and they would have to feed me grapes." Watching a ton of men worship you like the goddess you are? Sounds like a good watch to me.
"It would be mandatory to get my pussy eaten at least once on the whole season, and it would have to be filmed," she explained. "It can be blurred, but I would want the people to know. The kids gotta learn someday." Wow, as graphic as that may be for a prime-time show airing on a commercial broadcast network, I think it's very honorable of Lizzo to offer a teaching moment. She never ceases to amaze me.
In the interview, the "Juice" singer also offered up some very Lizzo advice on how to live your best life as a single woman. "You can have a relationship with yourself," she started. "And I know that that sounds silly. But I mean, really take yourself out to dinner, take yourself on dates, masturbate, f*ck yourself, you know what I’m saying? Cozy up with yourself and watch your favorite TV show. Talk to yourself out loud. Put on outfits and compliment yourself. Be the partner to yourself that you want." Yasss, that last part was a word.
Seriously, I can never get enough of Lizzo, and that's why I'm a self-proclaimed Lizzbian. She is the truth. I hope ABC sees this so we can get the realest, juiciest (get it?) season of The Bachelorette yet. But, that's probably going to take some time for the network to sort out. If you're looking for a Lizzo fix until then, take note. Her new music video for "Tempo" featuring Missy Elliot (OMG!) drops tomorrow on YouTube. Yippee!