I Used "Santa Baby" Lyrics On Dating Apps & Here's How Guys Responded
'Tis the season to have a little fun on dating apps. I'm pretty sure that's how the saying goes, which is why I decided to only respond to my matches with "Santa Baby" lyrics for an entire weekend. Why "Santa Baby"? Because "Jingle Bells" only made me think of naughty puns and I wasn't about to compromise the integrity of my holiday experiment.
Besides, there are a lot of clear winners here like, "Been an awful good girl," "Come and trim my Christmas tree," and "Hurry down the chimney tonight."
I think we can all agree that "Santa Baby" is just the right amount of playful and promiscuous and it's iconic enough that the right match would catch on pretty quickly. Or so I thought. I lured eight guys into my Christmas den and every one of them is getting coal in their stocking this year for failing miserably.
Things with Dustin started off cute. His non-emoji smiley face offered a hint of naïveté that I was excited to exploit. In response to his casual but friendly greeting, I told him exactly what I hoped to get out of the encounter — a yacht. I also let him know that I didn't think this was an extravagant request — it's Christmas and I have been an awful good girl this year.
Dustin, a man who believes in equality no doubt, told me exactly what was on his list as well.
I'm going to take a shot in the dark here and say that Dustin is definitely on the naughty list.
After my interaction with Dustin, I wasn't up for exchanging cute pleasantries anymore. I matched with Josh and got straight to the point. Josh, poor elf that he is, was hopelessly confused. He didn't even compliment me on my good behavior — WTF, Josh?
I'm not going to lie, I had high hopes for Nic. I've always wanted to have one of those Christmas-special episodes where I meet someone named Nick or Nicholas (or I guess Nic works too) and they turn out to be the real deal. You know, the big guy. Old St. Nicholas. Father Christmas. Santa Claus! If he is though, Nic is doing a pretty good job of keeping it a secret.
I told Daniel that I really only wanted one thing for Christmas so he was willing to hear me out. Turns out, Daniel is a people-pleaser and I'm about to get a whole lot richer. No pouting here.
For what it's worth, Joe was willing to come and trim my Christmas tree. He just had a few logistical questions about getting into the house. That seems fair.
At first, I was worried that Zach wouldn't give in to my holiday wishes. He questioned me and I didn't care for that at all so I let him know I needed an official agreement. Lucky for Zach (OK, and me), he happily obliged.
Dylan didn't exactly take too kindly to his new role as Santa, which is fine because I suspect he'd be pretty terrible at it. I told him I'd be a good girl next year if he checked off my Christmas list and he sort of implied that he preferred bad girls. Also, he refused to buy me stuff so it's a no from me, Dylan.
Oh, Dan. I explained to Dan that I'd been playing it safe this year, that I didn't even have that much fun. Dan told me that I may have given him — and all men everywhere, apparently — the greatest Christmas gift of all.
Evidently, I've been missing out on a lot of fun.
Of all the things Eartha Kitt asks for in "Santa Baby," I'm sad to report I've received none. No ring. No convertible. No duplex. No checks. Just a couple laughs... and Dan. Better luck next year, I suppose.
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