Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I love the smell of pine in the air, decorating the tree, and planning out the perfect gifts to get my loved ones (myself). But as much as I love Christmas and all its red-and-green glory, I’m far from Christmas obsessed. I don’t keep a countdown or watch Home Alone year-round, and I definitely don’t use Christmas-esque pickup lines on dating apps in, like, July. That’d be awk AF.
Nevertheless, I thought I’d do things a little different this year. Christmas falls during cuffing season, a time of year during the fall and winter months that’s notorious for coupling up. There’s just something about the crisp air that makes people want to cuddle. Christmas is happy, it’s festive, and TBH, you kind of can’t escape it.
Combine cuffing season with Christmas merriment and you’re sure to find a hottie to kiss under the mistletoe, right? I set off to find out by creating a Christmas-themed dating app profile using only cheesy pics and a holiday-themed bio that read, "Looking for a date to a company Christmas party. Christmas OBSESSED, ICYMI." (For the record, that party? Totally fake.) Here's what my festive profile looked like.
I tossed in a few emojis and off I went, to see if guys would dig it, or if they’d think it was totally weird.
I’d like to include that Orrin messaged me first with nothing more than a GIF and the caption, “Girl, you’re thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.” I left it out because it’s irrelevant, not because I didn’t appreciate his comment. I do enjoy my curves, thank you very much. Orrin seemed skeptical about being my Christmas party date, but it turns out he was just trying to get laid. Surprise.
Just when I thought I had him, he proved he mostly just wanted to see me tonight.
He even offered to buy me cookies, which made meeting him seem slightly more tempting. Just slightly. But not enough, bye!
Oh, Garth. Sweet, sweet Garth. He was so sincere that I almost felt a little bad for leaving him hanging, but I can’t bring myself to date someone who thinks The North Pole might be an actual place in my hometown of Miami.
This is what happens when I try to be cute.
Ho, ho, ho, indeed.
Mike, Age Unknown
While I appreciated Mike’s straightforward attitude and slick invitation to “come over,” I def didn’t love not being able to find his age — because he totally unmatched me! Maybe it was my ghosting his proposition, but like, damn. Petty with a capital P.
Kyle got so straight to business that it was too easy to make it weird. While holiday kink isn’t really my thing, I’m glad to know it could be Kyle’s! Four for you, Kyle!
I was immediately impressed by Phillip’s game, which somehow went from smooth to oddly sexual like, super abruptly. Sigh. But upon pressing him further (and asking for the impossible)...
He went back to being nice but cheesy (but nice!), which is better than gross. Although I have to say, I would 10/10 rather not celebrate Christmas at all then ever answer to "hot stuff."
And last but not least… Kyle, who had my heart as soon as he said Freeform’s 25 Days of Christmas "feels like it’s not enough." He was even down to get married, even though he had false expectations because sorry, I need at least dinner before I walk down the aisle.
Although I bailed on Kyle for a few days, he was still theoretically down to say "I do." Honestly, he gets points just for keeping his wit. If there’s any one dude I’d meet up with from this experiment, it’d probably be him.
While none of my Christmas convos resulted in dates, my experiment wasn’t in vain. I learned that being home for the holidays means adapting to the dating culture of my hometown, which (as you saw above) is less "dating" and more "do it right now." Not ideal when you’re looking for a date to a fake Christmas party!
I also learned that, yes, Christmas is a fan favorite, and guys love it. In the week that I had my cheesy pictures up and running, I got significantly more matches than I usually do. Every day I had 99+ guys waiting for me to Swipe Right. Weird? A little. Welcomed? Heck yes. Call it cuffing season, or just pure yuletide joy, but for me, it’s the most wonderful time of the year.
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