If you're having sex with someone, especially if it's a new person in your life, you may feel a little bit awkward about bringing something else – like a sex toy – into the bedroom. You don't want your partner to feel like their ~skills~ aren't sufficient enough for you, and that (gasp) an inanimate object does more for you, pleasure-wise than they do. But, know that it's a totally warranted and normal desire to introduce sex toys in the bedroom, which can help spice things up for sure (and ramp up the orgasms). You're not saying to your partner "You're not good in bed," you're saying "This could make things hotter for both of us," which is beneficial all around.
I spoke to sex expert and therapist Rachel Hoffman on ways you can introduce sex toys without it being awkward or uncomfortable for you. As a therapist, she says that clients come in all the time asking about this subject, so she definitely has it covered, and you are not alone in your quest to bring up the topic with your partner. It's actually more common than you think. Here's what she had to say.
Instead of whipping out your favorite vibe or dildo out of nowhere and seeing how they react, why not make a date out of it? Suggest going to a local sex toy store, so you can pick out the toys that you both would want to try. Hoffman recommends saying something like, "It would be fun if we brought some toys into the bedroom. Maybe we can have a date night where we go to sex toy store and walk around and see what's out there!"
"This can lighten the mood and also start the experience together," Hoffman tells Elite Daily. Plus, shopping together can set the mood for later on, if you know what I mean.
"The reason I suggest the toy store idea is because there are a range of toys that stimulate different areas of the body," she says. "Some are focused more on female pleasure, other on male pleasure, and some are for both partners to enjoy simultaneously. So the first step is learning what is out there and trying to come to a decision on what works best for them."
"Another idea is just discussing sexual preferences openly with a partner," Hoffman says. "You can say to your partner (maybe on a date night with a glass of wine), 'I am curious if there is anything you've done sexually in the past that you want to try?' or 'Are there any fantasies that you have for the bedroom?'"
"Your partner will then ask you in response and you can say, 'I've always wanted to try using a vibrator or another sex toy in the bedroom. It sounds like it could be fun."
A little liquid luck can't hurt, and this option makes room for conversation about your partner's sexual history, as well.
"One more technique that my clients have loved is bringing in the classic friend example," Hoffman says.
"Here's how it works. You say to your partner 'One of my friends told me that her and her partner used a [insert toy here] and they said it was amazing. Now I am kinda curious to try it. Would you be open to it?' My clients have said that this method makes them feel the least awkward."
Whether you go shopping with your partner for a toy that suits you both, or are just trying to bring up sex toys in conversation with your partner in the first place, know that you're not the only one having this convo and feeling a tiny bit awkward about it, too.
