How To Get Over Someone You Thought You'd Marry One Day, Because Things Don't Always Work Out

by Cosmo Luce

If the source of heartbreak is dashed hopes, then breaking up with a partner whom you thought you would be married to one day is basically like shattering your heart with a blunt object. How do you get over someone when they've left your ticker a bloody, squishy, messy bruise? Not to put it too lightly or anything.

Well, you can block someone on social media, you can change up your routine so you no longer shop at the same grocery store, you can do an out-of-state move to start your life over. But in the quiet moments, when you're feeling really by yourself, you might tap into your heartbreak again and find that the cracks are still there. You can get nostalgic about a split that happened two years ago. You can start to wonder whether they are ever coming back.

The first thing you need to do when that happens is to stop it. The second thing you need to do is — no, I really mean it, stop it right now. Dwelling over your ex is like dragging your feet in the past, and while we all do it in our most vulnerable moments, it's not a healthy habit.

Here's how to move on from someone when your failed relationship feels so huge, you don't think it's something you'll get over.

1. Throw A Wedding For Yourself

Popular culture abounds with jokes about women getting married to themselves. But you know what? Woman or not, you should get married to yourself — or at least enter a long-term, committed relationship.

"Essentially, 'dating yourself' is where you treat yourself how you would want or expect a significant other to treat you," Jennifer Seiter, founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, told Elite Daily. "This can include things like giving yourself a bubble bath, buying yourself flowers or treating yourself to a nice night on the town."

It's easier to meet the person you're supposed to be with once you've wedded the good, the bad, and the ugly in you and learned how to pour as much tenderness into yourself as you do into your relationships. That's not to say that you have to love yourself in order to be committed to yourself. You are deserving of love even when you're unable to love yourself. But when you decide to marry or date yourself, you decide to be with yourself, warts and all — and the means doing the best to take care of you, for the rest of your life, no matter what.

2. Surround Yourself With Tenderness

You need good friends at every stage of your life, but community is extra important when you are single. Rather than trying to fill the hole that your ex left you with another relationship, focus on taking extra good care of your friends so that they can take extra good care of you. You might even find that you can go without dating a while, giving yourself the time and space you need for your heart to mend.

"Even if you don't think you feel ready to see people, see your closest friends and spend time with them," Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction, said to Elite Daily. "They'll help you heal and remind you that you still have people who love you."

3. Build Yourself A Royal Nest

Turn your room or home into a heart hospital — a sanctuary where you have what you need in order to heal. You can start by simply giving it a deep clean.

"Clearing out clutter is also a great way to feel better fast," Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC-based licensed neuropsychologist and teaching faculty member at Columbia University, said to Elite Daily. "Tackle that closet, drawers in the bathroom and even your car! You'll feel a sense of accomplishment and recharge."

Once your life is looking like it's in order again, paint your walls soothing colors. Hang a canopy from your ceiling so you feel like a princess when you sleep at night. Decorate an altar with special objects that remind you of your intentions. Create a ritual around what feels good, whether that's something as simple as taking a bath or setting aside one night a month to eat dinner with your closest friends.

It won't happen overnight, but you'll find that once you have constructed an environment that is healing to you, the heartbreaks won't feel so colossal anymore. You'll have a sanctuary into which you can retreat from the stresses of the day. That will stop you from spiraling into old, deep heartbreaks and give you what you need.

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