It feels like now more than ever, people want different types of relationships. People want casual flings, hookups, and one-night stands, and they aren't afraid to ask for them. This, in itself, is fantastic, but can make it harder to find what you're looking for if you're actively seeking a more serious relationship. Starting something with someone who you know wants something casual when you want something serious can be scary, but you owe it to yourself to feel confident telling your date you want a relationship and stand up for what you want. And I reached out to experts for ways you can do just that.
If you want a serious relationship, then it might be best to be upfront about it. "If your desire is for a relationship, holding on to someone else can hinder your chances of finding what you really want," love biologist Dawn Mesler tells Elite Daily. Even though it might be scary, it's important to tell them what you want so that you aren't left wanting more than you're getting.
Now, how can you say what you want without scaring someone off, but also being confident at the same time? Well, life coach Nina Rubin tells Elite Daily, "When you slow down and breathe, you give yourself the opportunity to know yourself and your own truth better." Basically, don't just blurt out that you want to get married. Instead, take the time to evaluate why you want a serious relationship. Then, the words will come naturally, and you can feel confident in what you're saying.
"Coming from a place of 'this is what I want' can be a place of power, independence, and freedom," says Rubin. "You learn so much about yourself when you declare your desires. Start with journaling: What's your truth? What is a deal breaker for you? What are the points you can compromise on? If you're willing to walk away, there's attractiveness in making space for another person who fits. You gain confidence by attempting these conversations or practicing with trusted sources, like friends or coaches. You gain confidence by getting very clear on what you want."
You deserve to be in the kind of relationship that you want — whether that's casual, serious, or no relationship at all. But in order for you to get what you want, you have to ask for it. Think about it: How is someone supposed to know that you want a serious relationship if you don't tell them you want a serious relationship?
Unfortunately, even if you do work up the courage to tell your date what you're looking for, that doesn't mean they'll be on the same page. If this is the case, Rubin recommends trying to work it out, but not getting your hopes up. "Let yourself be heard and listen to someone else's perspective," she says. You should be confident, but not stubborn. "If you'd like to end things, do it from a place of power and readiness rather than urgency or ego. There may not be room for compromise, and you may, in fact, need to discontinue seeing someone due to irreconcilable differences."
It sucks that things might not always work out the way you had hoped, but if you're honest about what you want, and have confidence in speaking your truth, then you're going to get closer and closer to finding what you're actually looking for. And you deserve that, babe.
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