Breakups are difficult for a multitude of reasons, but one of the most difficult parts of all is having to accept the fact that your ex has moved on. I mean, seriously,
how do you cope when your ex moves on first? Whether we like to entertain the idea or not, every single break up consists of two people. One of those two people is always going to move on first, leaving the other one to swallow that pill. Well, if you're the one left with that horse-sized pill to swallow, I come bearing some very helpful advice from these 13 women who have been in your very shoes.
Remember that feeling hurt is natural.
Not gonna lie, that sh*t hurt like hell for a few months. You cant help but feel hurt and fixate on all of your perceived shortcomings (especially if you were the one that was left). I coped by letting time pass (that dulled the pain) but inevitably the time also allows you to come to some hard truths that you weren't willing to accept before: it has very little to do with you, not everything is black and white, focus on yourself, and that you are and have always been worthy of love.
It can be even more hurtful when they cheated.
It was awful, especially because he cheated on me with that person and his family, who I had known and shared a life with for 9 years then, simply welcomed that new person with open arms. I can understand why (he's their relative, not me, after all) but I felt very hurt and betrayed. To make things worst, we shared a child so it's not like I could just cut all from my life completely. It hurt, I blocked most people on social media so I could make sure not to see any news or photos and tried to keep contact only to child-related issues. Ultimately I came to understand they were both terrible people and she wasn't in for a good deal either. They didn't last a year.
Take it as your concrete sign they won't be coming back.
It hurts, but in the long run helps me get over them faster, because instead of wondering what if they come back, I know that they won't.
Focus on finding someone you deserve.
Realize that they can’t even be alone with themselves and are emotionally immature. It hurts, but in the end it’s better to be away from them and find someone that you deserve.
Even in the worst imaginable conditions, it can be a blessing.
I suppose I was "fortunate?" enough to have that overlap where I was living with him and his gf and I could hear them fighting through the walls. Nothing cures you faster than hearing him as some poor other girl's problem. Grass ain't greener if the whole area is in drought.
Taking them off social media can be really helpful.
I always take exes off social media because out of sight, out of mind. But as much as possible I would love for my exes to find happiness. If I am able to move on and be with a person who makes me happy, it would be selfish to wish them otherwise. I can only hope that they also continue with their lives with someone better suited for them.
Remember the reasons you're broken up didn't disappear.
Know that they're still the same person as they are with them than with you. Your ex still has all the same annoying qualities that you hated. They didn't change now that they're with a new person, the new person might just be better equipped to put up with those certain qualities. And you don't even know that for sure.... someone I dated awhile back was seeing someone immediately after we broke it off, and they stopped seeing eachother like a month or two later. It never became serious.
Accept that this may impede on your friendship with your ex.
We were gonna be friends because we ended things amicably. That is until they kept slipping up about all of their casual encounters from hookup apps. They kept saying they would get better about not slipping up, but didn't.
Know that you'll stop missing them eventually.
It hurt the first couple of months I found out. It think it hurt because he had cheated on me and I felt like he didn’t deserve to be loved after deceiving me. Once I had enough time to think things through I realized we brought out the worst in each other and didn’t really miss him, just the idea of a boyfriend. Eventually I became indifferent to him and actually ran into him and his new girlfriend. I didn’t run and hide, just continue forward and never really noticed if he even saw me. I actually am now thankful to him because if it hasn’t been for the life experience I had with him I would have probably never had met my now husband and have had our two beautiful children. I hope whatever you’re going through only helps and that you can heal soon. Best of luck!
Remind yourself their life is none of your business.
it hurts at first, and you compare yourself to them a lot. ultimately you just have to let yourself hurt. it's important though to move on as soon as possible and go no contact - stop looking into their life. tell yourself it's none of your business who they date or what their new partner is like or what they tell other people about you, until it sticks. someday it'll be true and you won't care.
They're now independent and so are you.
I remind myself that our relationship ended for a reason. I don't own them. They are not mine to control. They can do who and what they please as can I.
/u/TreacherousTaint Honestly just kind of felt bad for their new partner - I doubt he had worked through all of the communication and personal issues that made dating him a nightmare. To be fair though, I also met and started dating someone rather soon after we broke up and I was the one to break things off in the first place, so I wasn't really missing him or the relationship that deeply
Try your best to see it as a blessing.
I know it probably hurts to see someone move on quickly, but I’d personally count it as a blessing. The quicker someone genuinely moves on from your relationship, the less likely they are to fixate on your life and obsess over you, which is scary and bad.
Obviously, you're never going to be
stoked to see that your ex moved on first. It's not a fun moment people hope for. But it can be a necessary catalyst in the moving on process.