There are plenty of ways technology has impacted modern dating. From dating apps, to sexting, to DM-sliding — the list goes on. Another modern technological miracle to be thankful for? FaceTime sex, and lots of it. Being able to keep the sexual connection between you and your partner hot and healthy no matter how far apart you are can be a god-send for couples in long-distance relationships. If you think phone sex is fun, adding FaceTime can take your sexy chats to the next level. If you haven't tried it, and you're wondering how to ask your partner to try FaceTime sex, fret not — it's not that complicated.
"Having sex via video requires you to tap into your imagination, can help you break out of the norm, and also help you break out of your comfort zone, which, while it may be uncomfortable at first, may do wonders for your sex life," Moushumi Ghose, owner and founder of Los Angeles Sex Therapy, tells Elite Daily. "When you cross over the boundaries of sexuality, you can experience more pleasure."
If you're ready to venture into the world of FaceTime lovin', here’s how the experts suggest broaching the subject with your partner.
Why FaceTime Sex Can Be A Great Way To Connect.
Whether you're in a long-distance relationship that makes being intimate IRL difficult, or you just want to add something new to your sexual repertoire, FaceTime is a great way to connect intimately in ways that aren’t possible in person. “Having sexual or intimate contact via video can be a unique way to stay connected and also build connection in a way that you may not be able to if you were face-to-face,” says Ghose. “For example, you get to build on tools such as talking dirty, mutual masturbation, your striptease skills, or you get to explore other avenues of intimate connection, such as reading erotica together, or maybe even creating some of your own,” she suggests.
FaceTime sex demands creativity and effort, which requires you both to be very present, and that can be powerful, says Ghose. “In being intimate on video platforms, we are actually employed to access other parts of our brain and our bodies to make a connection."
How To Approach Your Partner About Trying FaceTime Sex.
When you're ready to approach your partner about giving FaceTime sex a try, Nikki Leigh, love and relationship coach and host of Ready for Love Radio, tells Elite Daily you should start by considering how you’ve typically approached conversations about sex and intimacy with them in the past. “You know your partner best. Is it better to be direct, or to ease into the conversation?” she asks. “Only the two of you know the best way to move the conversation forward, but think about how you would discuss this in person.”
If easing into the conversation feels like the best route, then Cate Mackenzie, a psychosexual therapist and couples' counselor, suggests starting with some gentle flirting and compliments on the phone. If you’re already chatting on FaceTime, but want to shift your conversation toward something more sexual, Mackenzie suggests easing into the mood through flirtation and seduction. “Build into more active components (with consent) like touching your hair or dancing,” she tells Elite Daily.
“Connection … happens through authentic communication,” Lisa Hochbeger, a sexologist, sex educator and therapist, tells Elite Daily. “So I recommend FaceTiming your partner and telling them what you have been fantasizing about.” If you’re not sure what to say to your partner, she advises simply telling them how turned on you are by talking to them, and that you’d be interested in trying FaceTime sex.
If your partner is receptive to the idea, being direct about your desires is key, adds Ghose. “When we embark on sexual relationships and intimate relationships, we should get what we want. If we can't communicate it directly, then we may not be able to get what we want,” she explains.
The one thing you definitely want to avoid in these conversations is pushing your partner outside of their comfort zone or coercing them into doing something they aren’t enthusiastically consenting to. ”If the partner is not interested, it's best to respect their wishes,” says Ghose. “Not all partners will like nor want the same thing as you. You may also have a conversation on other ways to be intimate, perhaps by phone, or email? Some people prefer written forms of intimacy. Ask your partner what their ideas are on distant intimacy and try to find some common ground,” she concludes. Because the hottest sex, whether it's IRL or on an iPad, is sex you’re both totally excited to be having.
Additional Tips For Making The Most Of Your FaceTime.
“Using FaceTime can be a fun and stimulating way to spend time together. There are times when a text or a phone call just isn't enough,” says Mackenzie, but she adds that there are some precautions you should take to make the most of your FaceTime sessions. “One big thing is to be sure that only the two of you are watching and that you can trust the person on the other end of FaceTime. Just like any online connections and especially if you are making yourself vulnerable, be sure who will see you,” she advises.
Mackenzie adds that it’s also important to check in with yourself and make sure you’re comfortable with and enthusiastically consenting to what’s happening in the call. “Always stay in touch with what feels good, and don't feel pressured into doing anything you don’t wish to. Quality over quantity! Be mindful of making sure you are OK with what you share on screen,” she concludes.
Ultimately, the best way to approach your partner about taking your intimacy to FaceTime is to just let them know you're interested in it and keep things light and fun. It's not easy being apart from a partner, but at least with FaceTime, intimacy is on speed dial.
Moushumi Ghose, owner and founder of Los Angeles Sex Therapy
Lisa Hochbeger, a sexologist, sex educator and therapist
Nikki Leigh, a love and relationship coach, and host of Ready for Love Radio
Cate Mackenzie, a psychosexual therapist and couples counsellor