Drake’s “Sex Watch” Is Worth $750,000 & Literally, WTF
Who even needs watches anymore? You can tell the time with your phone, or, if you're anything like me, you can just start counting seconds starting the moment you wake up — it's foolproof, and it gives you something to do. But, as it turns out, someone you know might be a watch fan: Drake wore an erotic watch costing $750,000 to Game Five of the NBA finals on Monday, according to Elle. I didn't know what the f*ck that was either when I first read the story, and I am now delighted to bring my newfound knowledge to you.
Drake's erotic watch features three panels at the top that each read a different erotic phrase, according to Page Six. It's like a fun, sexy mad-lib — the top bar is a phrase indicating desire, such as "I want to" or "I need to." The middle phrase is a verb (pull out the grammar notebooks, kids) such as "caress," or "arouse." The bottom phrase — the real clincher — is a body part, such as "nipples" or "p*ssy." As far as I can tell, the watch doesn't include the seven most important body parts (the chakras, of course), but that doesn't mean it's not still sexy. Drake's read: "I'd love to kiss you p*ssy," at the basketball game (who knows what it'd be for other sports — I can think of some fun ones for curling). If you're an English major looking to make a little cash on the side, writing these watch phrases could be for you!
The company that makes this watch, Richard Mille, says on its website that "erotic timepieces are part of watchmaking history." Now that they mention it, there is something very sexy about checking the time. For example, when I'm on a boring date and I look at my phone to see that an hour has elapsed, I almost get wet at the possibility that it'll be over soon (of course, you can leave a date whenever you want, but I try to stick it out for an hour if someone is nice, but dull). The watch allegedly is meant to display the wearers deepest desires — although, to be fair, if I had to use a watch, my deepest desire would be for my iPhone to be charged again.
Drake's basketball team, the Raptors, lost to the Warriors on Monday, according to Elle, so his f*ck watch did him no good. He expressed a barrage of negative emotions following the upset — I can only hope his watch didn't fall off and shatter. I suppose positive thinking is useful in some situations, but maybe the players just didn't glean too much energy from Drake's desire to kiss their p*ssies. Alternatively, maybe one of their star players glimpsed the watch on Drake's wrist and couldn't help but take a second look, narrowly missing the shot. Again, I'm just speculating.
I'd personally love a f*ck watch. If I had the money, I can only imagine mine would read: "I'd love to — have spent $750,000 on — literally anything else." I've looked at a number of photos of this watch, and it' s still not completely clear to me how you'd actually read the time on it, but then again, that's certainly not the point. I'm happy for Drake, and I hope all his watch-wet-dreams come true!