Do You Love Your SO Or Just Love Attention? Here's How To Tell

by Candice Jalili
Originally Published: 

It's not a question anyone ever wants to consider, but every once in a while you have to ask yourself: Do you love your SO or just love attention? Sometimes the attention can be so flattering that it becomes easily confused with love.

Well, if you're currently conflicted about how deep your feelings for your partner really run, I come bearing some helpful tips! In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies shared how they decipher between the two. Read their best tips here:

Do You Miss Them When They're Not Giving You Attention?
When you don't have their attention are you thinking about them, missing them, or just thinking about where else you could get attention?
When they're feeling down, sad, or stressed do you want to help and make them feel better or are you just going through the motions until they're focused on you again?
Infatuation, lust, and attention-seeking are selfish feelings, focused on you. Love isn't selfish, love is wanting a partnership, and wanting the best for your person even when it means sacrifices on your part.


Do You Genuinely Experience Life's Highs And Lows With Them?
are you genuinely happy for them in their achievements and genuinely sad with them in their failures? Then you actually love them.


If There's A Bump In The Road, Do You Want To Overcome It With Them?
Do you actually want to work on self improvement with them and face problems as a team? because there will be fights in all relationships- even good ones
I think true long lasting love is about making the choice to stay and show up for yourself, your partner and the relationship. It’s not as selfish as just liking someone’s attention imo


Real Love Is Effortless
One of my favorite love lyrics of all time is "everything is effortless". When you love someone, you care about them completely, you respect them, you want to trust them, and you would never want to do anything to hurt them. You love the bad parts about them and you get along on a deep level, usually including values. You have a deep connection. Love is profound and meaningful, enjoying someone's company is surface level and contingent.


Do You Want To Make Sacrifices For Them?
I would say you love someone for more than their attention when you're happy to make sacrifices for them like taking care of them when they're sick or going out of your way to cheer them up if they've had a bad day. If you can find beauty in them, even in their flaws and if you are glad to be with them even in their failures or dark times.


What's Your Gut Telling You?
It’s that feeling you get. You can crave attention from various people, but if you love someone, you crave their attention more than anyone else’s. For example: I could be at a party, getting all the attention anyone could ask for, even on the same, said persons level. But if you love them, it’s different. You could be surrounded by people, but you’ll always crave that persons attention regardless. It’ll always be in the back of your mind, and when you think about it, it takes you to a different place; not just mentally, but emotionally.


How Likely Are You To Let Them Win?
For me, it was whether or not I could play board or card games with them. I'm competitive by nature, and I would look at how I was feeling about them depending on who was winning/in the lead. If I didn't care (as much) that I wasn't winning, then that's a good factor in the relationship.


Real Love Involves Sometimes Putting Them First
If you find yourself building your life around their wants, needs, hopes, and dreams, as much as you do for yourself. That hints at you truly loving them.


Do You Give Them The Same Attention They Give You?
Do you want to give them attention? Do you want to want to make them feel wanted and special or do you just like it when they do that for you? If you want to make them feel how they make you feel.. that might just be some love


Do You Miss Them When You're Getting Attention Elsewhere?
If you're out with your own friends, occupied and getting attention, do you miss them or are you satisfied until you're alone again? Also are you happy to sit beside them while they study or play video games or read a book? Are you happy to be in their presence without actively receiving or feeling the need for attention.


At the end of the day, the best thing you can do is listen to that little voice in the back of your head. It will tell you how you really feel.

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