I love to peruse the internet to see what men are chattin' with each other about. This time, on a recent Reddit thread, they were discussing whether or not sex on the first date is a good idea. While I always thought that, typically, a guy wants sex on the first date, after reading some of the responses, I was pleasantly surprised. Have I been judging men wrong all along? Are men prude?
Turns out, men who are relationship-minded actually like to wait to do the deed. If they have sex too early, they find that relationships fall into friends-with-benefits territory. This can be read into a few ways. Do men not take sexually liberated women seriously? Can a woman not have sex on the first date and be seen as relationship material? Major bummer. However, maybe men — like many women I know, including myself — are also precious about intimacy and need to feel emotionally close with someone before they can take their clothes off.
So anyhoo, here are what some guys on Reddit think about boning on the first date. Their answers might surprise you.
He likes to earn it.
So my thoughts on that changed recently.
I used to always just think "we're adults and like sex, let's not make it a big deal and just have some fun".
But the last girl i met said that she considered sex really intimate and we slowly ramped things up over time. And everything became a lot more meaningful, and I appreciated that she was sharing herself with me a lot more.
So idk. I wouldn't judge a girl for sleeping with a guy onin first date or anything but now I almost prefer having to wait and earn it. Hope other guys dont hate me for saying this haha.
He likes it ASAP to determine compatibility.
It all just boils down to the way both people think. There are people (like you and the above two guys) who prefer to wait and build intimacy before sex, and that's cool beans. There's also guys like me who fit that traditional "let's have sex ASAP" thinking, but in my case, I do it because sexual compatibility is important to me, and I want to know as soon as possible whether we match up that way. I've seen way too many people talk about how "their relationship is perfect, my partner is sweet/funny/nice/etc., but the sex is bad/vanilla/infrequent/etc.", and I've seen it put a strain on those relationships as a result. In my mind, that reasons out to "Let's get that part of our relationship figured out quickly so it doesn't strain our relationship." I know this isn't the only important part of a relationship, but it's incredibly important to me, and so I care about making sure it's all good.
He can only get turned on by an emotional connection.
I just genuinely don't desire sex with someone I don't know well or care about. I can't get turned on by someone I don't have an emotional connection to, regardless of how physically attracted I am to them. And I don't mean that I have to be "in love" to have sex, but the appeal of sex for me is pleasing my partner -- it turns me on like crazy. But that appeal/drive is dependent on how much I care about that person. Sex with someone I don't care about yet doesn't sound appealing because their desire/pleasure isn't going to turn me on.
Hopefully this makes sense, I've always found it very difficult to describe how my sex drive works.
Waiting for sex makes him more invested.
I wouldn't say no if I was very drawn to her, but prolonging the passion over an extra date would make me oh so more invested.
He thinks you can't justify first-date sex.
Hell no. Not until I've known her for a while. How the hell can anyone justify jumping in the sack with someone they just met? Anyone can put on an act for one or two dates. More if they're determined. Get to know someone before you start taking your clothes off.
He waits so he can find a meaningful relationship.
I personally prefer to wait a bit. If I really like you and I want the relationship to last and be meaningful I'll wait at least 3 dates before we have sex. If we have sex on the first date it'll probably just be a casual thing or FWB situation. Nothing more than that.
He thinks it's a good sign there's chemistry.
I like it. In every good relationship I've been in, we had sex on the first date.
I don't think it's a necessary thing. I'll totally go on a second date if we didn't have sex on the first.
If we have sex on the first date, it's a good sign that we're getting along well and that we like each other and stuff.
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