Chrissy Teigen is the unadulterated queen of Twitter. I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. So what happens when the witty cookbook author and Lip Sync Battle commentator gets her daughter Luna a new pet hamster? Exactly what you'd think would happen: her documenting the whole hilarious journey on Twitter. But Chrissy Teigen's tweets about Luna's new hamster go from funny to nerve-wracking to extremely amusing all within 24 hours, and it plays out like the best damn saga you'll ever witness.
Let me first start out by saying a huge congratulations to Luna on her pet hamster, because that is basically a childhood rite of passage. I remember when I got my very first hamster, and realized that they were sorta fun when they were awake (which was basically never, because they're nocturnal), and really fun when it came to scaring my parents whenever it escaped. (Full disclaimer: Zero hamsters of mine were injured during their jailbreak, so don't @ me.)
So now that Luna has finally reached the age of Hamsterdom, mom Chrissy Teigen is documenting it all on social media. Teigen took to Twitter to reveal that Luna named the hamster Peanut Butter (iconic) and that her husband, John Legend, isn't exactly into the precious new pet. "Luna and I bought a hamster today. Her name is peanut butter," Teigen wrote in the evening of Sunday, March 10. "John is not thrilled, which makes me love her more," she added, because of course she would:
After one fan demanded photos of the Teigen-Legends' newest addition to the family, Teigen responded, saying, "she won’t come out from her paper dust crap stuff but she is super cute," and BOY, do I remember those days:
Teigen then tweeted a series of instructions that she was given at the pet store, including that, despite the fact that the pet store employees said that the hamster can be fed "anything," they promptly noted that it cannot be fed rice:
Then, the pet store employees also gave directions for handling the new hamster. "They also said 'don’t really touch her for a week. Then touch her a lot or she’ll bite you,'" and it honestly seems like a lot of work for something so small. "It’s very confusing, being a hamster mom," Teigen quipped:
Teigen also asked if they should purchase two hamsters, so that the one wouldn't get lonely, and got some cold, hard news. She wrote,
I said 'should I get two so they can have a friend?' And the lady said no, one will end up with a lot of bully scars. So any hamster tips are welcome
Hey, at least Chrissy Teigen is doing her hamster homework to make sure she's doing everything by the book.
She also shared a video of Peanut Butter, who seemingly scaled the walls of her cage and was nibbling on the steel grate, asking, "Is this normal," and honestly, is anything a hamster does really that normal?
And what kind of hamster mom (grandmother?) would Chrissy Teigen be if she didn't defend her parenting (grandparenting?) choices?
"Please don’t feel bad for her," she told her fans. "We got her everything and more and a giant space to roam in. If I had a safe enclosure for a hamster farm, i would have that."
I 110 percent believe her.
Teigen then questions the intelligence of the hamster and herself, writing, "I feel like she doesn’t know how to drink out of her hamster drink thing. I keep showing her and i am starting to feel dumb":
And perhaps Peanut Butter saw Teigen's tweet testing her intelligence, because then, she hightailed it, escaping out of her cage, which Teigen said was something her fans "told her would happen":
After what seemed like an eternity, Teigen got back onto Twitter with an update, assuring her fans that Peanut Butter was successfully located:
So remember, the next time you think about anything that bears responsibility — a hamster, a dog, a baby — refer back to these tweets and really think it over.