When I was single, there was truly nothing more difficult than telling a dude I had feelings for him. In fact, I'd go out of my way to convince them that I
didn't have any feelings at all before I would actually swallow my pride and share my feelings openly and honestly. The root of this little problem of mine was, of course, a fear of being rejected by men I had feelings for. But, according to a new Reddit AskWomen thread, being rejected isn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it looks like these ladies came out on the other end of it better than they were before.
Having the courage to be open about your feelings is something to be proud of.
I've been rejected by countless people. No, I don't feel stupid nor embarrassed, maybe a little sad, but not stupid nor embarrassed. You had the courage to ask, you should be proud of that. Having the courage to go after the things you want or people you're interested is actually very intelligent - stupid would be letting your fear get in the way of you trying. You've nothing to be embarrassed about nor to feel stupid for, but maybe a little sad for sure, but that's okay, too.
It's important to put the rejection into perspective.
I was actually rejected this evening. It’s totally fine. I’m 36. I don’t want to date every guy that asks me out. And not every guy I ask out wants to date me. Dating should be the cherry on top of your already awesome life. I already have a delicious sundae - and if a guy comes into my life, awesome. If not, my life is still awesome. Makes rejection easier because you realise they’re not rejecting ‘you’ - they’re just looking for a different sundae.
Another person shouldn't have the power to dictate your self worth.
I've been rejected once. He told me he had to think about it and he never called me back. I think I was 20? No, I didn't feel embarrassed. His loss. Don't let someone that can't see your value dictate your self worth.
Time really does heal all wounds.
I asked out my best guy friend in high school. He decided that it was probably time for him to come out of the closet. I was humiliated (how did I not know my best friend at the time was gay?!?!), but we worked through it. We eventually stopped talking for unrelated reasons... but time does heal even the most embarrassing wounds.
It's still possible to remain friends after the fact.
Once. Did I feel embarrassed? A little. But the guy and I remained friends, so it wasn't a super big deal.
As time goes on, you'll realize the person might not have been that great of a match after all.
Just once. Turns out he had a girlfriend. I felt beyond embarrassed and it was worse because I'd also had a somewhat prolonged crush on him (and somehow had no idea that he had a girlfriend). Now I look back and see that we neverrrr would have worked, so it was for the best!
It's possible to feel simultaneously embarrassed and proud.
Recently, someone I felt close to told me he had liked me since we met (years prior). I told him I liked him too, and used quite strong sentiments to tell him I felt someone like him was once in a lifetime for me, among other things. End result was he went back to his girlfriend to give a real effort at making their relationship work by addressing their problems. He had to do it, I wouldn't have him if he was hesitant. Even though he made the first move, I was embarrassed about all I said given the outcome. But, I felt proud that I said what I felt and held nothing back. It's a good feeling. You should be proud!
Being rejected is honestly NBD at all.
I was a wild child in trouble when I was younger and knew all the cops in my small town. One was particularly sweet to me and would help me stay out of trouble as much as he could and I developed a crush. I waited about 2 weeks after I turned 18 and asked him out (he would have been mid to late 20's by then) and he was so cute and funny about it and just said he had a girlfriend but was flattered. I also asked out a guy working at a gas station who had a girl who also said he was flattered. Not a big deal and if I were single again I'd be happy asking dudes out first.
Eventually, you'll be happy you said something.
Once, because he was into my best friend. She went on to date him which I forgave her for later along the road. Turns out he ended up having a diaper/mommy fetish and she broke up with him after she found she couldn't indulge him in that. Like, I'm all for pursuing fetishes but that was a major bullet dodged for me. I was super upset when I was rejected but pretty happy afterwards!
If nothing else, I hope this encourages you to be upfront and honest with your feelings.
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