Bad first dates — we've all had 'em. Whether it's a simple, "we didn't click" feeling or a faux pas of epic proportions, one thing's for sure: Bad dates are as universal as they are unpleasant.
But the good thing about bad dates (just trust us on this one) is that once enough time has gone by, they become fodder that will provide you with hilarious stories to tell for the rest of your life at dinner parties, girls' nights, and if you're really brave: other first dates.
The day after a bad date though, you'll probably be left with nothing more than a loss of faith in humanity and a gnarly headache. And while we can't do anything to restore your faith in humanity, we partnered with Excedrin to help alleviate your bad date-induced headache by taking comfort in the fact that you are NOT alone.
We asked 8 people to share their worst, most shocking and — let's be honest — most hilarious first date moments.
Read them and weep.
1. The Insatiable Date
"We went to dinner and he literally ate all of the food off my plate." -Roxanne, 25
2. The Paternal Date
"After a decent first date with an older guy, he offered to give me a ride home on his scooter. He put on my helmet (without me asking for help) and buckled it while saying 'I have lots of experience with this because of my kids.'" -Alynn, 29
3. The Date Mourning His Beloved Turtle
"After a perfectly civil, but zero sparks date, we didn't keep in touch. However, months later, he reached out to me looking to be consoled when his pet turtle died (yes, really). It was as awkward as it sounds." -Erin, 29
4. The Terrible Driver Date
"There was the guy who picked me up to go to a haunted house (it was close to Halloween) and he insisted on driving on the freeway using only his knees." -Allison, 33
5. The Self-Obsessed Date
"He didn't ask me a single question about myself for our two hour long date and then later that night after I got home, he texted to tell me how great 'getting to know me' was. I was infuriated. Needless to say, he did not get a second date." -Kelly, 23
6. The Taxi Mooching Date
"At the end of the date I hailed a cab and we said our goodbyes (I was NOT into this guy), and as I was getting into the taxi he said, 'Wait, you're going to Brooklyn, right? I'll ride with you!" And then jumped into the cab. We ended up dropping him off first so, yeah, I essentially paid for his ride home." -Molly, 25
7. The Date Who Only Cared About Ultimate Frisbee
"I went on a date to a cafe, where my date ran into one of his friends. He proceeded to turn his back to me and talk to his buddy about ultimate frisbee for a full 20 minutes while I just sat there." -Jackie, 30
8. The Hangry Date
"My date insisted on getting food, warning me that he was getting 'hangry' — the first red flag. We went to a sushi place, and I wasn't going to order any food because I had already eaten dinner, but he guilted me into getting a seaweed salad so he 'wouldn't have to eat alone.' When the bill came he divvied up exactly what I owed and made me pay him cash for the $7 seaweed salad I didn't even want in the first place." -Susan, 26
This post is sponsored by Excedrin.