I have a horrible ex. We dated on and off for a couple of years, during which time they slowly but surely hacked away at my self esteem. So much so, that when I finally called things off for good I felt like a shell of my former self. Looking back, they were just a deeply damaged and sad person. Though that breakup hurt brutally at the time, there was a moment shortly after when I felt a sudden rush of freedom and realized it was one of those breakups that make you stronger. I was lying in a hammock in Costa Rica, with a drink (one of many) in my hand, looking up at the sky, and I just breathed this sigh of relief and release. I realized that I had survived that jerk, that I was still myself, and that I could not be broken. I was buzzing on rum, listening to a reggae band, and living, laughing, and loving in Central America. In other words, I won.
That realization changed everything. It was a clarifying moment that sometimes, what feels like the worst thing ever really makes you more resilient and powerful. And I am not alone. In this Reddit thread, a Redditor going through a painful break up asked other women to share their stories of feeling relief after a relationship ended, and they came through (as they do) with stories of escaping bad relationships only to end up happier and stronger than ever. Prepare to be inspired.
While in grad school for biology I dated a physics grad student. He constantly put me and biology down and let me know that he was not only smarter than me but that my subject required less brain power. He treated me terrible and although I didn't care that he was "quick on pulling the trigger" (if you know what I mean) when I asked if it was something we could work on he flat out said no and that he doesn't need to change for me. He also would only watch what he wanted I wasn't allowed to make movie or show choices and there was no compromise.
On a Saturday I tried calling him to make plans and he ignored my call so I made plans with friends. Later he texted "What are we doing tonight? way too late to do anything substantial and I had had enough. I broke up with him over text message because I just didn't want to have to deal with him anymore and it felt amazing! Then I went out and drunkenly danced the night away with some hot biology ladies.
— katlassi
I broke up with a very abusive, sh***y boyfriend. The first moments I felt relieved, but I spent the next couple days crying because I had been so used to him. It was so hard for me to tear him and his toxic ways out of my life. But, after awhile I felt relieved again, and now I just look back on that breakup with such happiness because holy crap would have it been bad to stay together.
I broke up with my abusive, cheating asshole of a boyfriend and felt like shit directly afterwards because emotionally, I was still in his "grip". A couple of days later it finally dawned on me how much of an improvement my newfound freedom was, and how big an a**hole this guy really was. He didn't deserve one second of sympathy from me, and that's the mindset I still have. More than ten years later, whenever something s***y is going on in my life, I always think "well, at least I'm not stuck with HIM anymore!" and I instantly feel better.
A couple days ago I posted about a really scummy ex-bf. When we broke up, it was...sad...at first. But the next morning, I just felt...free. I didn't have to call him and worry if I'd gotten up too late for him or if he was playing WoW and would get mad at me for interrupting. I was just...me. Free.
When I broke up with my now ex-husband I felt so relieved. He was so narcissistic and needy and manipulative I just felt a weight lifted from me when I realized I didn't have to deal with it ever again. I remember being alone in my house for the first time and realizing I could do anything I wanted to when I wanted to and when I left things would stay just as I left them until I came back. My paycheck was mine to spend on just me or on anything I wanted. I felt such freedom.
— cp_deb
I now refer to [the day I broke up with him] as liberation day! I can't believe I almost married that abusive a**hole!
— ahchava
My "first boyfriend." We were really close friends during my freshman year of high school (he was one year older) and we started "dating" right before summer.
I didn't really like him, but I was having a serious gay panic and I thought if I could make myself love him I could make myself straight. It didn't work. It was a really bad 3 months, we barely talked and didn't see each other in person at all. Eventually he started dating another girl and broke up with me, which was a relief because by that time I had developed several crushes on several girls and was pretty happy about being gay.
My ex would ignore me and wouldn't kiss or hug or show me any affection after the first two months of our relationship. He dropped out of the marines and started gaining weight like crazy. I don't mind weight gain but I do mind being unhealthy. It got to a point where we wouldn't have sex and he would only invite me over so I could drive him places. So one day before I started my 8 hour shift at work, I told him I needed to talk to him. I didn't text him much throughout work and I just called him when I got home and told him I wasn't happy and it was over. I hate phone call break ups but if he couldn't give me his time of day to thank me for driving him to walmart then I wouldn't give him my time of day to end it. I was sad for the rest of the night but I was over it by the next day. It was a relief to just be myself again. I missed Avalessa and was sick of being his version of Avalessa.
— Avalessa
These impactful stories just go to show that although breakups can be hard, so many times they are very worth it. If you aren't feeling like yourself, if you feel like your partner is holding you back, or if you know this isn't the right relationship for you, consider starting a conversation about what comes next for the two of you. And if it's breaking up, don't be scared. This might be exactly what you need.
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