Recently, I gave my friend my phone so that she could peruse my Bumble account. First, because I wanted to make sure I wasn't catfishing. (#Paranoid.) Second, because while I'm very single, I'm also very lazy and I wanted her to see the effort involved in app-dating. Third, because she has a serious, live-in boyfriend, so swiping is like a fun game for her. (Her words: "It's better than my sudoku app!") I also wanted her help curating my profile, because she's a comedian and good Bumble bios are key to matching with cuties and smarties.
As soon as I realized she was into Bumbling, I fully let her take control of my account. "Fully" as in, she downloaded it on her phone and logged in as me. (She has a super chill boyfriend.) I feel OK about this morally because we were visiting LA, which is not my city of origin, and because we are in the midst of a podcast experiment called 51 First Dates and the premise is that she helps me pick out dates to go on.
One match messaged her/me, "I love the Always Sunny quote in your bio" and my BFF asked me what quote that might be. I looked at her, confused, because I didn't even know that I had a bio on Bumble. It read "fighter of the nightman, champion of the sun," a silly quote from Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
It's definitely a bit too niche (likely a post-martini decision), but the quote definitely attracts dudes with good comedic sensibilities. Alternatively, I have used my Bumble bio to promote my video production company. Imperfect, to say the least. (Reminder: I'm still single.)
On Bumble, your potential boo judges you on very few things: your pictures, your education, your job, and your bio. In LA, where my friend was swiping for me, I simply couldn't compete when it came to the photos section of Bumble, so crafting a cute bio was key. Rather than simply writing your height and a string of emojis that represent your interests, here are some good bumble bios you can use next time you embark on a swipe sesh:
1. The Quote
I know, I just knocked my own decision to include a well known quote from a TV show in my bio. But if you are feeling stuck on what to write in your bio, including a good quote from a book, movie, or TV show you like is actually a great way to attract a match with similar zeitgeist-y interests. Exceptions: Maybe refrain from "live, laugh, love" quotes. And Nietzsche quotes. No one needs to take themselves that seriously on Bumble.
2. The Question
OK, once you match with a cutie, you can and should open with a question like, "What's your favorite restaurant in the city?" However, we are talking bios, so we are pre-match. Everyone has an opinion, so asking something like, "When are we going to [insert favorite bar here]?" in your bio is fun. If a potential match sees that you also love their neighborhood bar, they're going to be excited about messaging you for the simple fact that we all love talking about our favorite places in our city.
3. The LOL-Worthy Descriptor
I recently swiped on a guy whose Bumble bio read "tall and boring," which made me chuckle. He might be tall, but he definitely did not seem boring. Self-deprecation can go a long way. I might suggest something like: "boring in bios, fun in person," or "looking for non-murderers." I have never used those, but I have gone with "basic adjacent." (As in, almost a basic betch, but not entirely vanilla.) You do you.
4. The Straightforward Statement
Similarly dry to the aforementioned bios, it can be fun to just put exactly what you are swiping for in your bio: "looking for someone to take me out tonight because I'm bored" or "let's get pizza before North Korea nukes us." Just get to the point already, right? Life is god damn short.
5. The Dumb Joke Opener
I am a sucker for dumb jokes. Like, worse than dad-joke jokes. Here's an example: "You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there?" and then, you wait for your soulmate to reply: "European." Find yourself a bae who gets it. (Even when "getting it" is a little bit inane.)
6. The Poetic Approach
Let me have this — remember, you never have to try it. If you can come up with a sonnet, haiku, or other rhyme that is a little bit funny and also informative, you have my heart. I'm thinking of something like, "roses are red, violets are blue, my ex was a jerk, who only listened to U2." Or, if you follow the rules of not mentioning exes too soon, you could try, "roses are red, violets are blue, but aren't violets purple?, do you smoke weed too?" Who knows, right?
There you have it: six ways to keep your Bumble bio from reading like a resume or a humblebrags — "NY>Harvard>Peace Corps" style" — because it's important to show potential matches who you are as a person. If someone doesn't like your dry sense of humor, they'll swipe left and you won't have wasted any time with them.
My comedian friend settled on "Gryffindor in the streets, Slytherin in the sheets" for my bio. So, I guess we'll see how that goes? Be you, my friends. It's the best way to Bumble.