My terrible ex (as I and all who knew us refer to them as) and I were in an on-and-off-again relationship for two years. We would get back together because things were going to be "different" this time, only to split again a month later. This happened over and over. We were caught in an endless loop that did terrible things to my mental health... but on the upside, the sex was pretty frickin' great. In retrospect, it was central to our toxic cycle of make-ups and breakups. That's because the sex you have when you get back together after a brutal split is basically make-up sex on steroids. That whole adage of "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" turns into sexy time fuel that burns hot in the bedroom.
All stages of a relationship bring about different kinds of sex because sex is an extension of the dynamic of the relationship. Are things passionate and emotionally charged? The sex will be, too. Are the two of you comfortable and relaxed? Then, you can bet the sex that follows is pretty chill and easygoing. The same holds true for the sex when you get back together. You're emotions are heightened, and the desire to connect is powerful. And that can show up in the many kinds of sex you'll be having....
1. "It’s Like The First Time All Over Again" Sex
The first time you hook up again after a breakup, especially if it's been a long time, everything is fresh and new again. Every touch, once familiar, is exciting and electric like it was the very first time. You are present in a way that you might not have been as the relationship was heading into the split. It's all about reconnection of the mind and body. Oh, and so many butterflies.
2. "Epically Passionate" Sex
Nothing ramps up the passion like feeling like you've lost someone forever. This is the hungry kind of sex where you can't keep your hands off one another. It's frenzied, it's steamy, and it's earnest because it's driven by not just lust (of which, there is plenty) but by the realization of how fragile love can be
3. "Mutual Appreciation" Sex
Once some of the initial sexual mania dies down, you can slow down and just really enjoy each others' bodies — bodies so familiar that you once took them for granted. This is the kind of slow lovemaking that leads to you spending an entire day in bed together, just soaking up what you once thought might be gone forever.
4. "Like No Time Has Passed" Sex
With your best friends, it doesn't matter how much time you spend apart, because once you're back in the room together, it's as if no time has passed at all. You're just that connected. Sex with someone who was formerly your ex can be the same exact experience. It doesn't mean it's old or mundane, just that it feels like coming home. You both know each other so well, you can pick up right where you left off — but with a deeper appreciation for each other after spending some time apart.
5. "Back In The Comfort Zone" Sex
This type of back-together sex usually happens after you've been reunited for a while. The relationship has settled back into place, and you both feel confident and secure in its stability. Comfort sex may not be as passionate as that first re-hookup action, but it's also special because it's a kind of sex you can only have with someone you truly know and love. It comes with practice and with learning what you and your partner both enjoy and need — and it's awesome.
There are all kinds of (positive) sexual experiences in life, some of them unique to reuniting with a lost lover. I say, embrace them all.
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