Dating can sometimes be a bit of a slog, full of awkward conversations that really end up going nowhere. It can be natural to start to question why you even keep trying. That is, until it happens: You go on a date and it just feels totally different. You can't quite put your finger on it, but there's just a feeling of electricity between the two of you. That's because if you and your date have a spark, well, it’s just a totally exciting and new experience.
But what's the difference between normal date jitters and feeling real chemistry with someone? According to NYC relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter, you'll know the difference with a spark because you’ll feel like you’re coming alive in your date’s presence." Something about this person ignites your interest and stirs your excitement levels,” she tells Elite Daily. “The attraction may be physical or mental. It can be their sense of humor, their smile, or the way they move. The 'spark' lets you know something special is happening in relation to this individual.”
So, how do you know if you and your date are both feeling the spark? I reached out to experts to learn what you may notice if the chemistry is strong. Here's what they say to be on the lookout for.
Erica Gordon, dating expert, founder of The Babe Report, and author of Aren't You Glad You Read This?, tells Elite Daily that you'll know when there's a spark because you'll feel it physically. “The body doesn't lie to the brain. You'll have a strange surge of energy, your body will tingle, your heart will feel like it's palpitating, you'll feel flutters of butterflies in your stomach, your hands might quiver. On the surface, you might look calm, but you feel it in your body,” she explains.
All too often, conversations on dates are stilted or awkward, but, when there's a spark, conversations just flow, says Winter. That’s because there's momentum created by a desire and curiosity to really get to know one another and find common ground. “You and your date are easily diving headlong into conversations of mutual interest. One conversation leads to another effortlessly. The spark creates a forward movement that insists you learn everything you can about your date, ASAP. There's a sense of urgency in your need to know more about this interesting new person, as they dominate your focus,” explains Winter.
Does it seem like you and your date can’t seem to look away from one another? Gordon says that’s another sign that you are both feeling that spark. “You and your date are gazing at each other, and you aren't distracted by anything else going on around you. It feels like you're under a spell and the background is blurry because your eyes are solely focused on them,” says Gordon.
During a date where you’re both feeling the chemistry, Gordon says that you'll likely feel “fired up” as that spark of energy passes between you. “You feel a rush of energy, intense attraction and in no way are you bored. Time goes by way too fast. You feel your nerves, excitement and energy like the best possible natural high,” she says.
Winter adds that this level of excitement may show up in the intensity of your conversation. “You're excited to the point that you're off your normal conversational pace. Your mind may be racing along with your mouth,” explains Winter.
Being nervous on a date is normal, but when there's chemistry, those nerves actually feel good, says Winter. “Perhaps you're speaking too quickly, giggling more than normal, or alternating between moments of feeling shy, then demonstrative. Bottom line: Your emotional reactions are heightened and obvious.” She warns that, after the fact, you may feel a little worried that you were too open about your attraction, but says you shouldn't be. Instead, just enjoy the experience. “This is the affect your date had upon you, and you had upon them. It's a delicious form of being unsettled,” Winter concludes.
The reality is that when you and your date are feeling that spark of connection, you'll know. So, trust yourself and your instincts. However, it should be noted that having chemistry doesn’t guarantee that your date will turn into something more meaningful — or that a date without that instant spark won’t pan out. Which is why dating coach Erika Ettin tells Elite Daily not to worry too much about having or not having a spark on a date. “I see that people place too much emphasis on whether they have a ‘spark’ on the first date and dismiss someone if this feeling, whatever it means to you, isn't there. I encourage everyone, if you want to have just one more conversation with this person, to go on a second date. You have nothing to lose,” she says. She’s right. But still, when you do feel that spark, don’t be afraid to just enjoy the experience.
