I think, in all of our lives, we sometimes hit milestones that we never saw coming. I guess they're what some describe as "aha moments" — those instances at which everything feels flipped on its head and you stop and think, "Oh, this is who I am. This is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. This is what feels right." After reading or speaking with a handful of women about their first dates with the same gender, it sounds like they were definitely unexpected milestones (in the best possible sense).
As a straight, cisgender woman, I certainly don't want to make any assumptions about what this is like, but I'd imagine it's similar to moving to a brand new city and immediately feeling you've come home. You try something new — something you thought might be cool or fun or interesting —and suddenly find yourself feeling happier and more at ease than you ever thought possible.
These women describe their first date experiences as eye-opening, effortless, and even revolutionary, and each of these stories has lit my heart on fire in the best way.
But I'll let them take it from here. Here's what five queer women had to say about their first date with someone of the same gender. Prepare to melt.
My freshman year of college I ended up rooming with a girl who was bi, and it led me to have such an awesome sexual awakening. I think she kind of knew that I was bi before I did, and she encouraged me (in a totally non-pressure-y way) to have different romantic experiences, which I was a little nervous about but very open to.
Anyway, she ended up setting me up on a date with one of her friends who was a lesbian. It was nice enough, but any time this girl tried to touch my hand or flirt a little, I kept wishing that it was my roommate. So I went back to our dorm that night (a little tipsy) and crawled into her bed and we had sex and it was amazing. Revolutionary. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, but she made me feel so comfortable, and way more aroused than any guy I'd been with. We had a friends with benefits relationship for years after that, and I am so glad she helped me explore myself and realize that I was bi, too.
We both kind of realised that it counted as a date halfway through, and that it was totally coincidentally on Valentine's Day?! We hadn't realised! And I mean, it was... really nice. It felt super good to cuddle and smile and realise that I was on a date with a woman for the first time in my life, and it felt better and more natural than every single other date I'd ever been on combined. It wasn't awkward or me wondering why I wasn't as into this as I should be, it was just me, laughing and having fun and genuinely really loving the company of someone with whom I totally got on and really, really wanted to see again.
I don't know how I ever dated men at all. Looking back at those dates... I hated them! I was so uncomfortable! I felt completely alien! I didn't even want to hug them, but I felt obligated to kiss them?! With this woman, I didn't feel obligated to do anything at all. I just felt want. I wanted to cuddle, I wanted to laugh at her jokes and smile as she talked, I wanted to kiss her and tell her that I really, really liked her. It felt good, and natural, and free. I'm a lesbian, on a date with a woman, and I'm loving every second.
The summer before my senior year of high school, I'd been seeing this guy off and on for a few weeks when I became incredibly attracted to one of my friends' friends, who happened to be a lesbian (and had a crush on me, too). I asked her to hang out and watch a movie one night, and I just felt so much more comfortable with her than I had with any of the guys I'd dated before. It was eye-opening, like I was tapping into this whole new side of my personality and sexuality and self. It was exciting, refreshing. So I ended things with the other dude (he was super conservative and such an a*shole about the whole thing) to explore this relationship.
We ended up dating for like a month. We weren't super compatible as people, but that first night we hung out was kind of a turning point for me. In the years since, I've dated guys and girls and had wonderful connections with both, which I love.
In my late 20s, I hooked up with a female friend. I called my sister after I left and said, 'OMG, this. I think this is it.' Several years of happy dating later, we got married. Still happy years after that.
Excuse me while I mop myself up off the floor.
*Name has been changed. Quotes have been edited and condensed for clarity.